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I have a beautiful friend. She's a BW and dating. Recently, she dated a guy (white guy) who was pretty interesting. Somehow the guy turned the dating into an armchair psychiatric appointment. My friend, let's call her Liza, was so driven up the wall by this guy. Always, the guy dominated the date and kept asking my friend to be more open, more expressive. Date after date, it was more of the same. Finally, I put my big nose into her affair and told her that perhaps its better if they stopped seeing each other.
And so they did.
Time past and I met my friend again. We got into the topic of 'that guy', let's call him Motty. Turns out Motty has been emailing her. I was surprised and said surely she didn't write back. Even more surprising was her answer. She said she still had feelings for him! Still?! I didn't even know she had had feelings for him. Shows how right I was to stick my nose into somebody else's business.
I must admit good things did come out of their dating. One was that she actually DID become more in touch with her own feelings. She was able to confront her father who had been quite mean to her when she was young. She was able to realize her denial about her shyness towards men in general. So much came out after they had dated that she was almost a new, better person.
This made me think of white folks and black folks in general. Then I backtracked and starting thinking about black and white.
Then backtracked some more and thought of the way God made this world, with all its polarizations: up and down; left and right; black and white; good and evil; etc.
Then I backtracked once again and thought about God Himself. In the end of the day, all is God, all is one. We just can't see it here. Here we see the polarized world. At least, we are able to realize that one polarized side can not exist without the other side existing. Many can define "up" as "not down" or they may define "black" as the "absence of white". Basically, there are other ways to define these words, but what I am trying to show is how connected they are, despite their polarization. One side frames out with the other side is -like a picture and a picture frame.
Or like the algebraic equation of X, and (1-X). That was for you, Raw Dawg. lol.
Speaking of black and white. As usual, in Judaism, there are lots of associations to these colors. For example, blackness is associated with GEVUROT -complexity, separation, activity, arousal, and gevurah (from the sefirot. which means strength, restrain, harshness, severity, justice). Whereas whiteness is associated with HASSADIM which is associated with CHESSED which means simplicity, unifying and chessed (from the sefirot. which means kindness and giving).
Of course, coming from America, I couldn't help but to think about race. Due to their association with black and possibly the world's subconscious knowledge of GEVUROT, Could this be why many folks hold on to the stereotype that black folks are strong, potent, etc the whole mandingo myth?
And with the whiteness, I know giving can sound very nice -and it is! I am a very giving type but I know, from experience, too much giving can lead to domineering. The giver enjoys giving to person X. Finally, when the giver needs something, the giver begins to feel 'entitled' to it (after all she's given) while person X begins to feel small and incapable by himself. He begins to be beholden, if not resentful, to the giver. If the situation doesn't correct itself it can lead to oppressiveness, or worse SLAVERY!
The whole deal in the universe, it seems, is about figuring out the right balance.
Right now, the black community is struggling with problems such as "why aren't we unified?" "why are BM dissing BW?" "How come we don't have leaders who care?" and the latest, the contemplation of dating outside the race. (is that so new? **blush**).
Churning this business into my thought process of HASSADIM vs GEVUROT, I remember reading someone's description of HASSADIM and GEVUROT. He (Bakst, from the City of Luz website) compared it to fire. The essence of fire would be blackness. GEVUROT. Drop a little bit of HASSADIM into the picture, and then you can see the real fire -flames, red tips of the fire, blue-ish area where its not too hot. All the variety of the fire's color, the heat, etc.
Imagine a raging fire - it tends to separate things by burning it into ashes and the ashes fly away into the sky. Divided, and not unified. Each spark flying off on its own -leaderless, and starts more fires where it lands. All its variation of colors are out for all to see. GEVUROT is simply the name we use to refer to the force in the universe that attempts to separate.
If we wanted to reverse the picture to look at things from HASSADIM's point of view: HASSADIM is simply the name we use to refer to the force in the universe that attempts to unify. And dominate. Think of the Borg from Star Trek ("We are the Borg. Prepare to assimilate"). Or better yet, think of how the world would be If God did not conceal Himself. Everything would truly be a part of Him without illusions.
Anyway, back to the Fire analogy. With HASSADIM, we would only see whiteness. A big white canvass. Add a drop or two of GEVUROT, and things begin to separate! Now you can see the various flames. Red flames relegated to the most heated areas of the fire, blue for the coolest areas, etc.
Then I went back to my friend and her date. It was such a classic problem. Too much HASSADIM reigning and dominating; And not enough "drops" of GEVUROT setting up boundaries or relegating things in its proper places!
more later...
10 comments:
I love most everything you write, Miriam, but this just made me sad. Black people and white people are not opposites, just tinted differently.
Maybe since "Black" and "White" are opposites, we get confused. Life might have been easier if we called ourselves "Brown" and "Peach". Or "Chestnut" and "Birch". Something that emphasized differences within a category, rather than opposites.
Wishing you and all those you love a גמר חתימה טובה, and everything good in the new year.
Ah Juggling frog! Wait for part 2! I just figured this post was too long so I chopped it up into two parts.
In the second part, I do say that black and white aren't opposites, that hassadim and gevurot does exist in ALL individual. Not in the same measurements (like I might have more of one thing than another whereas someone else might have more of another thing than I -and we can be BOTH black OR BOTH white).
I think it's important to remember that there is a continuum, a gradient.
Although the Jewish sages certainly understood that everything assumes its nature in RELATION to something else (called arachin in Hebrew), nevertheless they also used the terms black and white when describing skin color. But, you have to understand the context. For example, Shem was blessed "black and beautiful." Yet, in another place the "fair"-skinned Yosef (who was decsended from Shem) contrasts with the "dark" skinned Egyptians. The reality, as the Mishnah clearly states, is that the ancient Isrealites were somewhere in the middle. But, it's very likely that that middle ground (and yes, it was a gradient) is darker than some people feel comfortable imagining!
At any rate, there is a reason why God made certain groups of people lighter-skinned and some darker-skinned. That's where hasadim and gevurot come in. This isn't to say that skin color is THE one determination of where a person is holding. The story is very complex and nuanced. But there is hidden significance here!
Comment #3 was from hubby.
I don't know, Miriam. I don't understand much of it, but then again, I don't understand kaballah much, in general.
This whole thing just makes me feel sad. Even if it were true, I'm not sure how useful it is to dwell on skin pigment issues.
For Jews, it's irrelevant, anyway. We're just Jews. Our individual characteristics and struggles are unique to each individual, and we each need to struggle against ourselves to become better people.
(Although if you're going down this path, one does begin to wonder about RED, which seems to have more ink in Tanach, what with Edom and Dovid, etc.)
There's enough to study and improve and struggle with under the skin, in the heart, mind and soul, that focusing on externals seems distracting and limited.
This analysis also seems depressingly deterministic. Please understand that I'm not critiquing the reasoning - I really don't get it, and am not trying to bring things down.
I guess I'm asking: how does this help people relate better to Hashem or one another? If it does, then gezunt heit.
Remember, I'm in the US, and racial issues are playing a huge role - both implicitly and explicitly - in our currently raging election season.
I just ache from it all.
Anyway, I don't mean to be negative or critical. And I wish you and your husband all the best in 5769.
Then backtracked some more and thought of the way God made this world, with all its polarizations: up and down; left and right; black and white; good and evil; etc.
Did God really make the world that way, or is it humans who simply look at things as polarized when in fact they are spectrums? Race is an excellent example. There are no "black" or "white" people in reality. Everyone is just different shades of brown. People look at the relative differences of shade and see absolute differences of color. And soon they begin to think these external differences reflects people's inner selves as well.
Hi Juggling Frog,
I am so sorry this is making you sad. I never ever want to cause sadness.
I wonder if I should take this post off?
But I'll tell you my reasoning for it though. For a long time many BF (black folks) have been asking the same questions over and over "why is Africa not as 'developed' as other continents?" "Why were they taken into slavery?" "why don't we have leaders who care?" "Why are we not unified?"
On top of that, we are bombarded daily with "studies" that say blacks score lowest in [insert anything good] or that blacks score highest in [insert anything bad]
We search, try to find acceptable answers, etc. Many turn to Islam in the hopes for more equality and acceptance (many go to Islam because they actually believe). Others don't know where to turn.
And so my goal here is to give the black community more knowledge about black, blackness, etc. from a Jewish scholarly writings. An opportunity that they would not otherwise have.
If you are like me, then we both believe the Torah is true and can heal (if used properly!). My hope is that, armed with this new information the black community can learn more about itself -not through the filters of a European society, European 'studies'- but through Torah which I believe is always just and right.
This way they can understand the strength and weakness not from a potential source who just wants to 'sock it to them' but by a source that is a source of love.
(Yes, some of the information can make a distinction between whites and blacks -but that is only for a moment so that each can understand itself better. But in the end all is One. If someone chooses not to stay and want to be divided -its their own yatzer hara. Kabbalah is about unifying everything to Hashem)
Miriam, I hear you.
And I can't speak about the kabbalistic aspects, as kabbalah mystifies me (sorry for the pun, I couldn't resist!)
And I agree a Torah approach can only be for the good. But the way I see it, Judaism teaches us, in response to challenges, not to focus on the "why" questions as much as the "now what?"
Given that certain populations are suffering from [insert bad thing] and don't seem to have their demographic share of [insert good thing], what can be done to remedy the situation?
For sure, this requires examining potential causes and explanations. It doesn't help to stick a bucket under a leaky roof without wondering where the dripping water is coming from.
But, sometimes, studying the hole takes the place of repairing the roof.
Please don't take this post down. I'm probably overreacting to it. It's just that there are SO MANY forces pointing out our differences. Rarely to they lead to healing and understanding.
I remember taking my son on a city bus when he was three years old. He pointed at a black man (we're white) and said (of course at the top of his lungs), "Look at that purple man! I *like* that purple man!"
I was mortified. Though he said something positive, I was deeply embarrassed that he was pointing out racial differences.
It wasn't until two days later, on another bus, when my son pointed out another person, this time a white lady, and said "I like that orange lady!" that I realized he was calling people the color of their shirts. The black man two days earlier was wearing a purple shirt, and this lady was wearing an orange shirt.
*I* was the one who assumed that he was talking about skin color, not shirt color. My perceptions were skewed by a lifetime of people making racial distinctions.
And really, my son's innocent 3 year old vision had more truth in it than mine, because he was pointing out something that was chosen by the people. The purple man and the orange lady both chose their own shirt colors.
I'm not trying to get all Pollyanna and politically correct on you. You live in Israel, where issues of diversity are very different than here in the States.
Do you remember our discussion last year about my husband's take on Miriam's tzaraat ("leprosy")? He saw it as G-d's response to her making a point of Moshe's wife, Tzipporah's color. My husband says, G-d said, "You want white? I'll GIVE you white!" and struck her with tzaraat, which turns the skin white.
I think this is a valuable (and respectful) discussion, and shouldn't be taken down. And I'm interested in what more of your non-Jewish black readers think. Because the proof of the pudding is in the eating. If it gives people chizzuk (support/strength/encouragement) then it is worthwhile on that merit alone.
All the best,
CLKL
Kylopod - in truth, I also believe we all belong to one continuum. We are all different shades of brown. However, one must admit that there are differences and because there are differences there are different strengths in everything.
My only regret is that society makes color into a good vs bad, right vs wrong type of thing.
JF,
what a beautiful story!
I understand what you are saying. Admittedly, the "whys" are much easier to deal with then the "what thens?" But the 'what thens' are more important!
Bli neder, more what thens...
"And I'm interested in what more of your non-Jewish black readers think. Because the proof of the pudding is in the eating. If it gives people chizzuk (support/strength/encouragement) then it is worthwhile on that merit alone."
Yes! I agree. Anybody want to comment?
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