Pieces and Parts

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There is a very interesting phenomenon that goes on in my life. Whenever I work on my book, or whenever I am trying to achieve something, I get this major depression that sets in. Its as if I have to cut through very thick air to accomplish something, or like I am going against something to accomplish what G-d willing, needs accomplishing.

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I try not to get too angry, but when I unfortunately do, its interesting to note how I see things. I don't see the person I'm upset at, I don't even see a whole room. Somehow, my vision gets skewed and I only see parts. For example, if I'm really upset at someone, then I'll only see part of his lips, or a quarter of his face or something.

When I walk away from an argument, I see a piece of the doorway or part of a furniture. Its really strange. Its like if my vision has become really really narrow!!

Does anyone else go through that?

Why can't I handle seeing a whole thing?
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When I get depressed, I see things in an even more narrow way. Any stimulation is too much stimulation. I don't want to see, I don't want to hear; my senses get deadened and all I want to do is hide under the covers and block out the world.

It gets to be too much to handle.


But why is it so hard to accomplish things? Why do I have to slice and dice thick air, lift up some heavy burden, why do all the stimuli become overwhelming?

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There is a teaching in Breslov Judaism that when someone is depressed, their soul got attached to souls in hell. Its as if the person becomes a navy seal sent down to hell. Her mission: to rescue souls. There, souls are attracted to this person and attach themselves to her. She then has the task of lifting whoever can be lifted out of their misery. As she goes upwards and out of hell (i.e. as she struggles through her depression to accomplish things anyway), she is carrying a really heavy burden spiritually. No one wants to be left behind.

Eventually, she makes it out and the freed souls are disbursed. She is out of the depression.

If this is the case, then I wonder if I free some of those who wanted to do good but was too afraid -and died still afraid; some of those who wanted to create good, diverse, kosher childrens' books but didn't have the means. or the boldness; some of those who wanted to do good for humanity but was cut short, and/or whoever else meant to be freed....

Godliness in Everything

excerpt from Lik. Moharan. lesson 17

It is impossible to receive fear and love except through the tzaddikim (Holy, righteous people) of the generation. This is because the tzaddik of the generation is the one who reveals the fear and the love.


For the tzaddik always seeks and searches for ways to reveal the will of the Holy One. For the Holy One's will is in everything. It is in the creation at large, namely, that the Holy One willed to creat ethe world generally; and it is in the particulars of creation. In each and every particular ting there is the Holy One's will--namely, that the Holy One willed this specific thing to be as it is, with its speci+fic form, strength and nature; -whereas something else has a different form, a different strength and a different nature and demeanor.


Now the tzaddik always seeks and searches for this will, to comprehend and understand the Holy One's will in each thing. such as: Why was it the Holy One's will that the lion be created with the specific strength and power, the specific form, and the specifi nature and demeanor that the lion has; whereas conversely, a small gnat is very weak and has a different nature, form and demeanor.

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And I believe, that only holy and righteous people can be trusted to speak of the goodness of Africa, of Africans, of things related to Black folks in general, in particular and in detail. Most other simply can't wrap their brains around it, don't want to, and refuse to. Why? What do they think they stand to lose in such an acknowledgement?

In Judaism, we are told to remember Amalek. Amalek is the grandson of Esau who had decided to kill the Jewish people. Jews stay vigil always and recite this passage once a year, to always remember Amalek. Many people say that Hitler and Germany was Amalek.

Well, since the Jewish people is seen as a microcosm of the rest of the world, it would stand to reason that there may be another "Amalek." One that is out to destroy the godliness that the rest of the world has as well.

Again, in Judaism there is the belief that the Jewish people is a microcosm of the rest of the world -with each part-general, in particular, and in the details of the particular --being respresented by something in rest of the world.

What part of Africa and 'all things Black folks oriented" is connected to what part of the Jewish people?

My suspicion is that it has something to do with the brit, yesod, Yosef, etc. to be continued..