.
There are many ways to grow and learn. The most chilling and popular way is through pain! Having our blinders yanked from our eyes hurt. Realizing a friend was not a friend hurts. Knowing you made a mistake due to lack of will power hurts, etc.
So Israel Ber Odesser who was supposed to fast with the rest of Israel, was crestfallen because he had succumbed to his hunger and ate.
After days of secretly crying, pleading for forgiveness and basically kicking himself and being depressed,he had a strong urge to open up one of his Breslov books.
He opened the book and found a note. It was addressed to him as a dear "student" and in the note, it expressed knowledge that Israel Ber had broken the fast on that fast day (17th of Tammuz).
Israel was shocked. How could anyone have known? Who wrote this note? The only conclusion he could conclude was that it was from his teacher. But his "teacher" was Rebbe Nachman--- who had died so long ago!!!
It was unbelievable. Nobody wanted to believe it. But based on what was written on the note, it was hard to not come to this conclusion.
Within that note is the now famous: Na Nach Nachma Machman M'Uman!
Israel Saba urged everyone to spread far and wide the books of Rebbe Nachman. He also said, "I am Na Nach Nachma Nachman M'Uman".
********************************************************************************
From that time on something new was brought into this world. Some say this is the new song and that phrase "Na Nach Nachma Nachman M'Uman" has been put into all sorts of melodies and danced and sung by the followers of Israel Ber Odesser -aka Israel Saba.
___________________________________
I decided to focus on this event and try and pray and learn and see if I could understand it a bit. I am happy to say that slowly slowly God has allowed me to understand this a little bit. This is what I understand so far:
I like the positive message that the followers of Israel Odesser send out. Its like they took back Breslov -or the teachings of Rebbe Nachman and returned it back to the individual again.
From the phrase, "I am Na Nach Nachma M'Uman" there is evidence that Israel Saba was the reincarnate of Rebbe Nachman.
The Tikkunei Zohar speaks of a song that will be sung in the end of days. There is also a teaching that it will be in a single, double, triple, and quadruple formation.
The Na Nach (minus the "Uman" part)is in that formation.
It is also taught that the name of God is encased in righteous people (tzaddikim). For example, if Joe Smith was a righteous man, kind, giving, etc. His name would be considered an encasement or a garment for a part of God's name. Basically his name is connected to God's name.
Thus, Rebbe Nachman is considered a righteous person and so his name is broken down into that formation.
Now, Rebbe Nachman was kind and very giving of much teachings. He was a popular person and a teacher. But all he wanted -what most righteous people really want- was to walk humbly with his God and live a simple life. It seems that that was granted to him through Israel ber Odesser. Odesser was the simple man. He produced no works of his own, struggled to know what he knew, was not famous until the end of his life.
According to one of his students, Rebbe Nachman -who was giving of his teachings, his time, his life, was connected to the "provider" name of God (Ado...). The possibly returning soul (nefesh) who is Israel Saba, was not so giving. He produced no works of his own, and was quite restraining of himself to speak only of the teachings of his teacher, Rebbe Nachman. (Reminds me of how Isaac was to Avraham). Thus, Israel Saba was more hidden. More connected to the hidden name of God (Yud Kay...). This would explain why he, rather than Rebbe Nachman, made the statement:
"I am Na Nach Nachma Nachman m'Uman."
Well. All this has led me full circle back to enjoying Rebbe Nachman's teachings.
Showing posts with label kicking into redemption mode. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kicking into redemption mode. Show all posts
Friday, August 7, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Kicking into Redemption Mode 4
.
Around 1800, there lived a man called Israel Odesser (1888 -1994). He was a simple man from a family that was not monetarily wealthy AT ALL. So much so, that their mother would give them each ONE drop of oil for their morsel of bread --that was their lunch to take to school.
Anyway, he tried his best to be a truly religious Jew but no one could answer his questions or inspire him. Finally, he found near a bunch of old books a book called "Out Pouring of the Soul". It was one of those outlawed Breslov books. He picked it up and read it. Immediately he knew it was a book he wanted to keep.
Everyday he would follow the teachings of that book and went to practice hitbodedut (seclusion and meditation and talking to God) in the fields. This was good for him. He continued to do this until a friend found the book. They fought about it as the friend was upset that Israel was reading a banned book. The friend was stronger and manage to take the book away. "Its Breslov, its forbidden!" And that was it. But it had already awakened in Israel the want to know more!
Eventually, he met more Breslovers and learned from them. He became more devoted and was able to be defiant and steady in his Breslov path. Many tried to discourage him. To the point that the place where he learned practically gave him no money. People harrassed him and shunned him. They tried to do everything possible to make his life miserable. But the books were too good. He wouldn't stop learning and speaking of it.
Well, one fast day (the fast of Tammuz))he was not feeling well. Everyone was fasting on that day and he wondered and debated to himself whether he should continue fasting or not. Eventually, he opted to eat something!
After breaking the fast, his spirits fell. How could he do such a thing?! How could he claim to be pious, Breslov, and devoted to God and make such a mistake? Why was the temptation so strong? He was crestfallen and could not forgive himself.
To be continued...
Around 1800, there lived a man called Israel Odesser (1888 -1994). He was a simple man from a family that was not monetarily wealthy AT ALL. So much so, that their mother would give them each ONE drop of oil for their morsel of bread --that was their lunch to take to school.
Anyway, he tried his best to be a truly religious Jew but no one could answer his questions or inspire him. Finally, he found near a bunch of old books a book called "Out Pouring of the Soul". It was one of those outlawed Breslov books. He picked it up and read it. Immediately he knew it was a book he wanted to keep.
Everyday he would follow the teachings of that book and went to practice hitbodedut (seclusion and meditation and talking to God) in the fields. This was good for him. He continued to do this until a friend found the book. They fought about it as the friend was upset that Israel was reading a banned book. The friend was stronger and manage to take the book away. "Its Breslov, its forbidden!" And that was it. But it had already awakened in Israel the want to know more!
Eventually, he met more Breslovers and learned from them. He became more devoted and was able to be defiant and steady in his Breslov path. Many tried to discourage him. To the point that the place where he learned practically gave him no money. People harrassed him and shunned him. They tried to do everything possible to make his life miserable. But the books were too good. He wouldn't stop learning and speaking of it.
Well, one fast day (the fast of Tammuz))he was not feeling well. Everyone was fasting on that day and he wondered and debated to himself whether he should continue fasting or not. Eventually, he opted to eat something!
After breaking the fast, his spirits fell. How could he do such a thing?! How could he claim to be pious, Breslov, and devoted to God and make such a mistake? Why was the temptation so strong? He was crestfallen and could not forgive himself.
To be continued...
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Kicking into Redemption Mode 3
.
In Israel, with so many people from so many different places living in such close quarters, you can have a Hassidishe family...
Living next to a Litvish family....
Who's living next to a Rambamist /or Yemenite...
Who's living next to an Ethiopian who follows his traditional ways...
Or an Ethiopian who became mainstream national religious...
Who's living next to a convert! lol!
Rabbi Bar Hayyim is of the opinion that we can't all continue with all of our respective "exile modes"- the practices that was followed while everyone was scattered in various parts of the world. Here we are in a new country and everyone is still trying to hold on to European garbs, European traditions, Ethiopian methods, Litvish ways, etc. Each one thinking they are superior than the other one. He teaches that its time to meld and become ONE. A more unified oneness -complete with a new prayer book with the Exile type things removed (like longing to live in the Land changed to being glad there are Jews living in the Land), new traditions (such as eating kitniot - "legumes" like rice and beans that Europeans don't eat around Passover because they act in some ways like leavenable food or may potentially have some wheat grains mixed in). But to say that there is no unity now --there is! However, Rabbi Bar Hayyim means more of a united "march" toward a more redemption mode of being. A messianic era.
This is mainly Mr. Blackfirewhitefire's realm along with various esoteric learnings. He wears blue in his tzitzit/fringes -the old way (whereas the majority of people wear all white fringes), and an assortment of kippas (yarmulke/head cover).
The attraction of Rebbi Nachman, for me was his Joy appeal. The art of seeing holiness in things that would ordinarily be thought of as mundane. His straight forwardness in stating that some so-called rabbis may just be out for honor, prestige, etc and to be wary. His combination of higher learnings and simple teachings.
When I first read his books I was shocked at his straight forwardness. I was wondering when will they ban his books. Then I learned his books had been banned already! Now they are allowed to be sold.
I sense that Rebbi Nachman is the most honest teaching that I've heard yet. Though, he has a way of spinning things for the positive, I can see the truths that he is saying in his work. And for some reason, from his Likutey Moharan books I totally see the situation of BFs in there. Its like plain as day. But I know no rabbi would translate it as such --not yet, maybe?. But he is the only one who speaks of dark curly hair and its significance (besides the Holy Zohar)--in a non-negative way I might add. Its nice that those books have the commentaries on the bottom but I try not to rely on that to steer my brain where the commentor wants me to go; I try to read strictly what Rabbi Nachman is trying to say. It's already stretching my imagination so much and helping me to entertain new ideas of my own based on his words.
Rabbi Nachman of Breslov is popularly known for:
(1) teachings about Joy and dancing
(2) teachings about seeking out the "tzaddik" of the generation; i.e. the righteous one -not necessarily the most popular one, in fact more than likely he WON'T be the popular one
(3) Hitbodedut -talking to God as if He is a friend sitting right next to you
(4) Guarding the brit - sexual purity
People were fired up against Breslov teachings in the pre WWII era. If you were caught reading, teaching, speaking Breslov, you suffered. The books were banned back then. No one would hire a Breslover, marriages was discouraged to Breslovers. Life was hard. Even Rabbi Nachman and his student Rabbi Nathan had it hard.
Anyway, so a group creative a whole movement called Breslov. And it became just another strand of Hassidic types of movement. But I don't buy into that. I really think "breslov" is more of an "add on" thing. Its whatever you are and then add on Rebbi Nachman's teachings. Once it begins to be a whole group thing, I get wary because from what I understand from reading his books, its an individual thing.
So it became a new form of Hassidic movement called Breslov. And, just like the other groups there was hierarchy, ranks, rebbes - the leaders of a group, in which all the followers tend to flock for get-togethers, etc.
Enter Israel Saba and his "note from heaven."
To be continued...
In Israel, with so many people from so many different places living in such close quarters, you can have a Hassidishe family...
Living next to a Litvish family....
Who's living next to a Rambamist /or Yemenite...
Who's living next to an Ethiopian who follows his traditional ways...
Or an Ethiopian who became mainstream national religious...
Who's living next to a convert! lol!
Rabbi Bar Hayyim is of the opinion that we can't all continue with all of our respective "exile modes"- the practices that was followed while everyone was scattered in various parts of the world. Here we are in a new country and everyone is still trying to hold on to European garbs, European traditions, Ethiopian methods, Litvish ways, etc. Each one thinking they are superior than the other one. He teaches that its time to meld and become ONE. A more unified oneness -complete with a new prayer book with the Exile type things removed (like longing to live in the Land changed to being glad there are Jews living in the Land), new traditions (such as eating kitniot - "legumes" like rice and beans that Europeans don't eat around Passover because they act in some ways like leavenable food or may potentially have some wheat grains mixed in). But to say that there is no unity now --there is! However, Rabbi Bar Hayyim means more of a united "march" toward a more redemption mode of being. A messianic era.
This is mainly Mr. Blackfirewhitefire's realm along with various esoteric learnings. He wears blue in his tzitzit/fringes -the old way (whereas the majority of people wear all white fringes), and an assortment of kippas (yarmulke/head cover).
The attraction of Rebbi Nachman, for me was his Joy appeal. The art of seeing holiness in things that would ordinarily be thought of as mundane. His straight forwardness in stating that some so-called rabbis may just be out for honor, prestige, etc and to be wary. His combination of higher learnings and simple teachings.
When I first read his books I was shocked at his straight forwardness. I was wondering when will they ban his books. Then I learned his books had been banned already! Now they are allowed to be sold.
I sense that Rebbi Nachman is the most honest teaching that I've heard yet. Though, he has a way of spinning things for the positive, I can see the truths that he is saying in his work. And for some reason, from his Likutey Moharan books I totally see the situation of BFs in there. Its like plain as day. But I know no rabbi would translate it as such --not yet, maybe?. But he is the only one who speaks of dark curly hair and its significance (besides the Holy Zohar)--in a non-negative way I might add. Its nice that those books have the commentaries on the bottom but I try not to rely on that to steer my brain where the commentor wants me to go; I try to read strictly what Rabbi Nachman is trying to say. It's already stretching my imagination so much and helping me to entertain new ideas of my own based on his words.
Rabbi Nachman of Breslov is popularly known for:
(1) teachings about Joy and dancing
(2) teachings about seeking out the "tzaddik" of the generation; i.e. the righteous one -not necessarily the most popular one, in fact more than likely he WON'T be the popular one
(3) Hitbodedut -talking to God as if He is a friend sitting right next to you
(4) Guarding the brit - sexual purity
People were fired up against Breslov teachings in the pre WWII era. If you were caught reading, teaching, speaking Breslov, you suffered. The books were banned back then. No one would hire a Breslover, marriages was discouraged to Breslovers. Life was hard. Even Rabbi Nachman and his student Rabbi Nathan had it hard.
Anyway, so a group creative a whole movement called Breslov. And it became just another strand of Hassidic types of movement. But I don't buy into that. I really think "breslov" is more of an "add on" thing. Its whatever you are and then add on Rebbi Nachman's teachings. Once it begins to be a whole group thing, I get wary because from what I understand from reading his books, its an individual thing.
So it became a new form of Hassidic movement called Breslov. And, just like the other groups there was hierarchy, ranks, rebbes - the leaders of a group, in which all the followers tend to flock for get-togethers, etc.
Enter Israel Saba and his "note from heaven."
To be continued...
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Kicking into Redemption Mode 2
.
Though Hassidish seemed more welcoming, the majority of my Ashkenazi friends were Litvish. I also most attended and hung out with Sephardim. Each group had something I liked. Among the Sephardi, there seemed a little less restriction with guys and girls. They were not closed to Kabbalah, their music just took me away, and the women seemed powerful. They could be very demure as long as things were going "right" lol! But if there was a problem, the women that I knew at least, were not afraid to get upset.
The Litvish had modesty down to a science. They also had the biggest population, a radio station, employment offices, etc. They made the society work!
The Hassidish were warm. There was always some Hassidishe person coming over to make sure I was okay or calling. Also they were the first ones who were receptive towards me. I appreciated that!
And then I went to Israel.
Israel is very different than America. I really had to decide on alot of things. For example, it wasn't enough to just say that I follow Sephardic tradition. Here, there were Sephardim from Morocco, Algeria, Iran, Iraq, Spain, etc. Which Sephardic tradition do I follow? This was asked many times and I had no answer. My rabbi was from Tunesia, did that mean I must follow that?
In Israel I also began to take classes to get a better, deeper understanding. Studying the code of laws, I realized there were more than one book! More than one way, however, peer pressure and want for acceptance was making many people follow a certain path.
Well there wasn't much time to think about all that, I got married! Mazal tov!!
On the wings of my husband, I learned even more. Lucky for me he loved learning and was patient enough to help translate or read together the Hebrew books that I couldn't read. That really opened up many doors.
Mr Blackfirewhitefire started looking into doing things more like the Rambam. The Rambam's real name is Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon (RMBM) and he was from Spain. Because of forced conversions, the Rambam and his family were forced to flee from Spain (There were many Spanish Jews who were forced to convert which they did outwardly, but in private kept their tradition and way of life: those were called Marranos). They went to Morocco, then stayed with others in Israel, and then finally went to Egypt in the late 1100s and became a doctor to the Sultan Saladin of Egypt.
Rambamists are few and far between in modern times. Yemenites, I think, follow mostly the Rambam's teachings. I actually met the owner/founder of Mechon Mamre, who's a Rambamist.
That played a role in what my husband and I believed. We also met Rabbi Bar Hayyim co- founder of Machon Shilo. He played a really big influence on us.
Rabbi Bar Hayyim being interviewed:
But the real role player for me personally was Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. Just like the Ari, he also had a student, Rabbi Nathan who wrote down his teachings. From reading his books, especially Likutey Moharan, I woke up. I woke up once when I converted. I "woke up" again from Rabbi Nachman's teachings. This time I don't think anything can compare to this.
He taught me that I must be myself. LOL! Simple isn't it?! Yes, that Judaism is an individual thing. I couldn't follow a herd. He even discouraged people from becoming rabbis saying many people are just out for prestige, honor, whatever plus its a very hard task to be responsible for students. Better that we all be simple, help one another and serve God. No one is higher than the other one.
This on the outskirt turns alot of people off. Those who want to be sophisticated see this message and they're gone! Perfect!! All those who are just looking for a name for themselves or other superficial things are turned away because Breslov is not popular. Only after I delve into his teachings did I realize, its not so "simple". He combines alot of teachings from all over the place to prove a point. Its complex, but not arrogant, sophisticated.
Many attempted to take his teachings and turn it into yet another strand of Judaism complete with hierarchy, ranks, etc. But Israel Odesser (aka. Israel Saba) put a stop to that. He lived in Israel in a town called Tiberia from 1888 to 1994.
To be continued...
Though Hassidish seemed more welcoming, the majority of my Ashkenazi friends were Litvish. I also most attended and hung out with Sephardim. Each group had something I liked. Among the Sephardi, there seemed a little less restriction with guys and girls. They were not closed to Kabbalah, their music just took me away, and the women seemed powerful. They could be very demure as long as things were going "right" lol! But if there was a problem, the women that I knew at least, were not afraid to get upset.
The Litvish had modesty down to a science. They also had the biggest population, a radio station, employment offices, etc. They made the society work!
The Hassidish were warm. There was always some Hassidishe person coming over to make sure I was okay or calling. Also they were the first ones who were receptive towards me. I appreciated that!
And then I went to Israel.
Israel is very different than America. I really had to decide on alot of things. For example, it wasn't enough to just say that I follow Sephardic tradition. Here, there were Sephardim from Morocco, Algeria, Iran, Iraq, Spain, etc. Which Sephardic tradition do I follow? This was asked many times and I had no answer. My rabbi was from Tunesia, did that mean I must follow that?
In Israel I also began to take classes to get a better, deeper understanding. Studying the code of laws, I realized there were more than one book! More than one way, however, peer pressure and want for acceptance was making many people follow a certain path.
Well there wasn't much time to think about all that, I got married! Mazal tov!!
On the wings of my husband, I learned even more. Lucky for me he loved learning and was patient enough to help translate or read together the Hebrew books that I couldn't read. That really opened up many doors.
Mr Blackfirewhitefire started looking into doing things more like the Rambam. The Rambam's real name is Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon (RMBM) and he was from Spain. Because of forced conversions, the Rambam and his family were forced to flee from Spain (There were many Spanish Jews who were forced to convert which they did outwardly, but in private kept their tradition and way of life: those were called Marranos). They went to Morocco, then stayed with others in Israel, and then finally went to Egypt in the late 1100s and became a doctor to the Sultan Saladin of Egypt.
Rambamists are few and far between in modern times. Yemenites, I think, follow mostly the Rambam's teachings. I actually met the owner/founder of Mechon Mamre, who's a Rambamist.
That played a role in what my husband and I believed. We also met Rabbi Bar Hayyim co- founder of Machon Shilo. He played a really big influence on us.
Rabbi Bar Hayyim being interviewed:
But the real role player for me personally was Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. Just like the Ari, he also had a student, Rabbi Nathan who wrote down his teachings. From reading his books, especially Likutey Moharan, I woke up. I woke up once when I converted. I "woke up" again from Rabbi Nachman's teachings. This time I don't think anything can compare to this.
He taught me that I must be myself. LOL! Simple isn't it?! Yes, that Judaism is an individual thing. I couldn't follow a herd. He even discouraged people from becoming rabbis saying many people are just out for prestige, honor, whatever plus its a very hard task to be responsible for students. Better that we all be simple, help one another and serve God. No one is higher than the other one.
This on the outskirt turns alot of people off. Those who want to be sophisticated see this message and they're gone! Perfect!! All those who are just looking for a name for themselves or other superficial things are turned away because Breslov is not popular. Only after I delve into his teachings did I realize, its not so "simple". He combines alot of teachings from all over the place to prove a point. Its complex, but not arrogant, sophisticated.
Many attempted to take his teachings and turn it into yet another strand of Judaism complete with hierarchy, ranks, etc. But Israel Odesser (aka. Israel Saba) put a stop to that. He lived in Israel in a town called Tiberia from 1888 to 1994.
To be continued...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Kicking into Redemption Mode
.
When I first became Jewish, I had only gotten a taste here and there of what those Torah Jewish books contained. I hardly understood alot of it, but some how it had such a grip on me I could not let go. Now, as a Jewess, I could finally read, learn, have some one to ask questions to, etc.
Tried as I might, I still couldn't understand.
I have heard of many people who became Jewish, and how they practically left their former lives -their careers, etc., but it wasn't until I myself realize that I simply couldn't grasp what the books were teaching until I also left everything and tried to hold these new knowledge with my two hands, my two legs, my torso, my head, all my brain capacity, my everything; only then did I understand what those other people went through.
I had to quit my job -I took a small menial job for survival. Every waking moment was spent pouring into books. The sages became real people. Their teachings and their stories were recreating me.
It finally got to the point where I was almost starving. My dinner would the few cookies I found around my apartment. Crackers and tea, if someone had invited for such. At times, I ate "old food" kept too long in the freezer, but "they -seemed-okay- at -the- time" food only to get sick as a dog later. But all that didn't matter, I only wanted those books, those teachings, those sages!
Finally, finally, I realized that the way I viewed so many things were counter to what I was trying to received and grasp. charity -giving away money- brings one more money??!! Character traits matter??!! Things physical have a spiritual counterpart??!! The whole Bible -with the letter all put together is really one huge gigantic name of God??!! Yes!! I was finally getting it.
I can't explain it, but there was a part of me that realized this point of shift. I understood that I would not see the world the same again, and indeed in many instance I don't even remember how I used to view a concept before Judaism.
At a certain point I had to slow down and start learning the social aspects of living a Jewish life.
My Social Studies
Socially speaking I did everything wrong! I mean every thang! lol. I used to roll into the quiet Jewish neighborhood with my car radio blasting music. I think folks weren't too happy about that -even if it was Jewish music. I didn't understand Shabbat meals long ago and would accept invitations from from two to three families --for the same meal! I'm surprised I didn't get caught "making my eating rounds" until much later. (then some one kindly explained the way its done in such a round about way I didn't get embarrassed. But I learned.)
There was this long blessing that many say after eating bread (Bircat hamazon). I didn't know it was for only for bread because in the blessing it talks of sustenance and the land. So I would say that blessing for every food eaten. Including after chewing gum! Eating became such a burden because I dreaded saying that after eating blessing. Thank God, I eventually learned -it was only for meals with bread!
One of the most fearful things I had to learn was dealing only with women. I used to deal almost exclusively with men. With men, I knew I had a lure. A wink, A shy smile and a head tilted just so and I could have almost anything with men. But when I learned that in the Orthodox Jewish society I would be expected to fraternize mostly with women, I was truly nervous. There is an old movie in which Cleopatra, who was basically surviving and getting what she wanted from the Roman Emperors because of her sex appeal, was faced with a new Emperor who was a seemingly gay man. As soon as she saw who the new Emperor was, she took some poison and killed herself. Well, I felt a little bit like that Cleopatra character. What do I use to pull my way with women? Pity? Feminism? I had no clue. After years of living in the secular world, I was faced with a society in which I had no clue of how to make it landing on my feet.
Slowly, slowly, I learned. First I learned to just fit in. Don't make waves. I began to watch how the mainstream was and copied. Most of the women wore suits. I wore suits. There were certain expressions people frequently said; I said them. "Mamish!" "baruch Hashem" became common place on my tongue. Many laws /halacha I followed mostly because everyone else did (such as holding by the modern day eruv) not because of any true learning or conviction. Even mannerisms I slowly learned and copied.
At a certain point, what I learned and how I was acting needed cementing. Knowing Torah, Bible, is not like any other knowledge like geometry, calculus. The purpose of Torah and the Bible is to bring people closer to God. Acting and doing the motion because "the other guy's" doing it is not conducive to coming closer to God.
When I first converted I asked the rabbis while still "signing the contract" so to speak (while in the mikveh/bath house) "what! so what am I? Ashkenazi? Sephardi?!" Personally, I wanted to take on Sephardi traditions. The rabbis, in a rush to get out of the mikveh, replied, "do whatever you want!!" lol!
Fiery Teachers
I learned a little bit about The Ari. I learned to hide any book about him because of the reaction it produced.
The Ari, Through his student, Rabbi Chaim Vital, wrote down many explanations about kabbalah. He expounded on the teachings of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai.
In Ashkenazi non-Chassidish circles, the attitude towards Kaballah is a bit more standoffish. The learning there to me, seems like steps.
Step one: simple (Pshat)- this is learned across the board for everything in the Bible
step two: what's being hinted to you (remez) again learned through;
step three: What a sage derived from a concept or verse (drosh)
and step four(kabbalah).
Whereas in Sephardic circles, I learned, say one concept (for example: "in the beginning") from that one concept, we do step one/ pshat (what's the question? this happened in the beginning!), step two/Remez (example: There was a beginning or beginning of time-count? or why does it all begin with the letter B-Beginning 'in the beginning'==Bereishit etc), step three/Drosh (what a certain rabbi teaches about it), and step four/ Kabbalah (hidden meaning). This is done one concept at a time rather than reviewing a whole book with step one, then redoing it with step two, etc. Anyway, that was how I learned it.
In the Ashkenazi world (Europe), a man named Shabtai Tzvi learned and used kabbalah and gained much following. He claimed he was the Messiah and started behaving strangely. Eventually he was captured by the Turks and forced to convert to Islam. But ever since then, Ashkenazim became wary of anything Kabbalah.
I don't know Kabbalah.
But I did learn to hide any books that seem to get too close to it.
Another big influence was the Baal Shem Tov's teachings. Rabbi Israel ben Eliezer. He basically created a new way in Judaism called Hassidus. This outraged the current leaders (Litvish)and began a grand scale fighting between the two groups. The amount of vitriol, the drama, the (lethal) distance some were willing to take it! I was extremely fascinated with this topic!
The whole fighting between them. Such anger! Passion! Great arguments! One Hassidic teacher, I don't remember his name once said -I'm paraphrasing, its good that the Litvish question and oppose them, this will hone the Hassidic way and beat it into perfection. What patience!
There were great names on both sides of the fence so I wasn't sure who was right.
Hassidishe?......................................................... Litvish?
To be Continued...
When I first became Jewish, I had only gotten a taste here and there of what those Torah Jewish books contained. I hardly understood alot of it, but some how it had such a grip on me I could not let go. Now, as a Jewess, I could finally read, learn, have some one to ask questions to, etc.
Tried as I might, I still couldn't understand.
I have heard of many people who became Jewish, and how they practically left their former lives -their careers, etc., but it wasn't until I myself realize that I simply couldn't grasp what the books were teaching until I also left everything and tried to hold these new knowledge with my two hands, my two legs, my torso, my head, all my brain capacity, my everything; only then did I understand what those other people went through.
I had to quit my job -I took a small menial job for survival. Every waking moment was spent pouring into books. The sages became real people. Their teachings and their stories were recreating me.
It finally got to the point where I was almost starving. My dinner would the few cookies I found around my apartment. Crackers and tea, if someone had invited for such. At times, I ate "old food" kept too long in the freezer, but "they -seemed-okay- at -the- time" food only to get sick as a dog later. But all that didn't matter, I only wanted those books, those teachings, those sages!
Finally, finally, I realized that the way I viewed so many things were counter to what I was trying to received and grasp. charity -giving away money- brings one more money??!! Character traits matter??!! Things physical have a spiritual counterpart??!! The whole Bible -with the letter all put together is really one huge gigantic name of God??!! Yes!! I was finally getting it.
I can't explain it, but there was a part of me that realized this point of shift. I understood that I would not see the world the same again, and indeed in many instance I don't even remember how I used to view a concept before Judaism.
At a certain point I had to slow down and start learning the social aspects of living a Jewish life.
My Social Studies
Socially speaking I did everything wrong! I mean every thang! lol. I used to roll into the quiet Jewish neighborhood with my car radio blasting music. I think folks weren't too happy about that -even if it was Jewish music. I didn't understand Shabbat meals long ago and would accept invitations from from two to three families --for the same meal! I'm surprised I didn't get caught "making my eating rounds" until much later. (then some one kindly explained the way its done in such a round about way I didn't get embarrassed. But I learned.)
There was this long blessing that many say after eating bread (Bircat hamazon). I didn't know it was for only for bread because in the blessing it talks of sustenance and the land. So I would say that blessing for every food eaten. Including after chewing gum! Eating became such a burden because I dreaded saying that after eating blessing. Thank God, I eventually learned -it was only for meals with bread!
One of the most fearful things I had to learn was dealing only with women. I used to deal almost exclusively with men. With men, I knew I had a lure. A wink, A shy smile and a head tilted just so and I could have almost anything with men. But when I learned that in the Orthodox Jewish society I would be expected to fraternize mostly with women, I was truly nervous. There is an old movie in which Cleopatra, who was basically surviving and getting what she wanted from the Roman Emperors because of her sex appeal, was faced with a new Emperor who was a seemingly gay man. As soon as she saw who the new Emperor was, she took some poison and killed herself. Well, I felt a little bit like that Cleopatra character. What do I use to pull my way with women? Pity? Feminism? I had no clue. After years of living in the secular world, I was faced with a society in which I had no clue of how to make it landing on my feet.
Slowly, slowly, I learned. First I learned to just fit in. Don't make waves. I began to watch how the mainstream was and copied. Most of the women wore suits. I wore suits. There were certain expressions people frequently said; I said them. "Mamish!" "baruch Hashem" became common place on my tongue. Many laws /halacha I followed mostly because everyone else did (such as holding by the modern day eruv) not because of any true learning or conviction. Even mannerisms I slowly learned and copied.
At a certain point, what I learned and how I was acting needed cementing. Knowing Torah, Bible, is not like any other knowledge like geometry, calculus. The purpose of Torah and the Bible is to bring people closer to God. Acting and doing the motion because "the other guy's" doing it is not conducive to coming closer to God.
When I first converted I asked the rabbis while still "signing the contract" so to speak (while in the mikveh/bath house) "what! so what am I? Ashkenazi? Sephardi?!" Personally, I wanted to take on Sephardi traditions. The rabbis, in a rush to get out of the mikveh, replied, "do whatever you want!!" lol!
Fiery Teachers
I learned a little bit about The Ari. I learned to hide any book about him because of the reaction it produced.
The Ari, Through his student, Rabbi Chaim Vital, wrote down many explanations about kabbalah. He expounded on the teachings of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai.
In Ashkenazi non-Chassidish circles, the attitude towards Kaballah is a bit more standoffish. The learning there to me, seems like steps.
Step one: simple (Pshat)- this is learned across the board for everything in the Bible
step two: what's being hinted to you (remez) again learned through;
step three: What a sage derived from a concept or verse (drosh)
and step four(kabbalah).
Whereas in Sephardic circles, I learned, say one concept (for example: "in the beginning") from that one concept, we do step one/ pshat (what's the question? this happened in the beginning!), step two/Remez (example: There was a beginning or beginning of time-count? or why does it all begin with the letter B-Beginning 'in the beginning'==Bereishit etc), step three/Drosh (what a certain rabbi teaches about it), and step four/ Kabbalah (hidden meaning). This is done one concept at a time rather than reviewing a whole book with step one, then redoing it with step two, etc. Anyway, that was how I learned it.
In the Ashkenazi world (Europe), a man named Shabtai Tzvi learned and used kabbalah and gained much following. He claimed he was the Messiah and started behaving strangely. Eventually he was captured by the Turks and forced to convert to Islam. But ever since then, Ashkenazim became wary of anything Kabbalah.
I don't know Kabbalah.
But I did learn to hide any books that seem to get too close to it.
Another big influence was the Baal Shem Tov's teachings. Rabbi Israel ben Eliezer. He basically created a new way in Judaism called Hassidus. This outraged the current leaders (Litvish)and began a grand scale fighting between the two groups. The amount of vitriol, the drama, the (lethal) distance some were willing to take it! I was extremely fascinated with this topic!
The whole fighting between them. Such anger! Passion! Great arguments! One Hassidic teacher, I don't remember his name once said -I'm paraphrasing, its good that the Litvish question and oppose them, this will hone the Hassidic way and beat it into perfection. What patience!
There were great names on both sides of the fence so I wasn't sure who was right.
Hassidishe?......................................................... Litvish?
To be Continued...
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