Let me ask you, Are you crazy?
No, of course not! Neither am I. But I for sure did some crazy things in my past. Many of us have. In hindsight -and especially when taken out of context- these things seem so detrimental, so ruinous to ourselves it makes people shake their heads. But we shouldn't allow ourselves to be rebuked into paralysis. We should not allow ourselves to take in the memory of what we did without its proper context =that would leave us with shame!
I admit that when I was a child I used to hit myself. Alot. I would even stab myself with sharp things. I'd bleed. Yep, some crazy stuff. That in and of its self alone would make folks look at me sideways. But the reason I did those things when I was a child was because there was a child abuser in my midst. Every chance he got he would go after me. My parents did not help me. I soon realized in my little and constricted mentality that the only weapon I had was exhaustion. If I could have him chase me all over the house, fight him or just curl up into a ball at times and let him waste his energy taking shots at me, no matter how many whacks he took at me it would not escalate into sexual molestation -to me that was worse than a beating any day. He would exhaust his own self physically abusing me. And so I wanted to teach myself not to be afraid of pain. I hit myself. Any time I felt the flood of fear trying to overtake me, I made sure I knew that pain was nothing.
Sometimes for desparate or survival reasons, we do crazy things. The world -in our contricted mentality- seemed against us and we take drastic measures. Today people are decrying OOW childbirths, over spending by BF, all the many and varied crazy things some did for one reason or another. I say okay. Each of us need to come to terms with what we did, but it does no good to judge and condemn. Not unless you've walked in the other's shoes, its just plain hurtful to speak disparagingly about actions people may have done during times of constricted mentalities. Perhaps the woman that you see with an OOW child lost all hope of finding a good man? Would you rather her shriveling up in a church yearning for children and never having? No! We'd be scoffing at that too! Perhaps the kid who succumbed to drugs was swarmed with problems she felt she couldn't face. Should we hate her for her past actions? Shall we condemn her and point at her with our righteous finger?
The only thing I can say is that when there is constricted mentality -we don't care what is going on with our neighbors. We can't care what is going on in another State. And don't even talk about what's happening in China, Russia, India, etc.
When there is constricted mentality, only our situation matters and we are trying to carve a hole to escape from something. Others attempt to convince themselves that they are not in a state of constricted mentality by saying that they are looking way in to the future when they'll be in heaven and not have to worry about problem x.
Then there are those who deal with it by distracting themselves with movies, sitcomes, etc.
Constricted mentality has its purpose. It helps ease the pain and helps us to endure and survive. Endurance and resistance. But a very negative side of that state of mind is that -if left for too long- it skews our vision. We can be easily jealous at others around us because we are not seeing the bigger picture.
There was once an abused girl who looked with longing eyes at a lady who owned a dog. "Why won't anybody buy me a dog? Why can't I be like her?" she laments. Little did she know that the dog was meant to soothe the lady because her children had all passed away.
With constricted mentality we only see a piece of the picture and not the whole canvas. Another problem with this is that it makes it impossible to establish long term goals. When the mind is slightly less constricted, we try to find a more permanent solution to our current problem; but when its very constricted, all we can hope for is to endure when the time comes and resist.
Okay, so that state of mind messes up our judgment. What's so important about having proper judgment?
Proper judgment gives us a sense of right from wrong. This in turn builds discernment in us. Then even in a situation we are not familiar with, we can still sense what "ought to be right" and what "feels wrong".
Proper judgment also gives us the ability to rank things. What is major vs what is minor? What is urgent vs what can wait. It also strengthens us to keep our desires and emotions in check: Although I really want x, I hold back in order to first get y. A ranking system that will enables us to have x in a more permanent way.
A fool once landed a high prestigious position in his organization. Elated, he took his place without delay. After much scorn and indignation from people protesting his strange jump to fame, he stepped down. Had he judged his own self and realized he lacked the skills, he would have made it a priority to be in a place of learning even AS he maintained that prestigious position.
Well now didn't I previously say not to judge? And now it seems that there is virtue in judging? What's the deal?
There is a difference between judging and condemning. Some mistake one for the other. Judging, pure and simple, is weighing the good vs the bad. Condemning is just declaring something bad, wrong, or evil.
Also, when dealing with people, we have a tendency to judge them on the side of wrong. People are not -never by nature- 100% good. And so, those wanting to appear unhurtable, unable to be taken advantaged of, or whatever reason, would rather error on the side of condemnation and keep themselves safe, right, whatever.
However, when it comes to people, its a more tricky story. In Biblical times, when the group of people wanted to build the tower of babel. God did not destroy them all. Why? Because they were working together. In the case of Jews, many people see Jewish people as one block. Very important. This togetherness, this apparent bond between people within a group IS that group's national security against heavenly condemnation whether they are doing wrong or right.
BW who chew out (quite bitterly and for every and any thing) other BW are doing themselves a disservice. We are putting forth a lack of togetherness that can potentially keep us all from God's mercy. Can you imagine a judge who hears constantly from its constituents how "Why she gotta wear this?" or "Look how she runs her mouth.." or other endless negatives? He liable to get sick of the whole lot!
Now imagine a judge who hears a different story. Imagine if He sees us trying to talk to each other in the way that the other can hear? Imagine if instead of the poisonous smoke of condemnation, The Almighty smells the sweet incense of understanding. "Sista, if I were you...." or "Maybe it'll be better for you like that?" or some such way of talking.
In conclusion, in many people's past, we have done some crazy things. Things in order to endure and resist and survive. Things that came from a constricted view of the world, life, etc. But at some point it is important to let go, to free ourselves from whatever is suppressing us so that we can then see the 'bigger' picture. At some point we must move from constricted mentality to a more expanded consciousness. The whole world is waiting for US! Once we can get out of constricted thinking, our judgment gets better and we then acquire discernment. We can judge right from wrong in a situation. However, its tricky when it comes to judging people. With people we tend to condemn. While its true the saying "smile to everyone...but count your change!" It means just that. Protect yourself, but try to avoid condemning, especially someone from your own group. That destroys the unity and the 'strength in numbers' that we have. (Assuming judgment is not impaired, we ought to know when a condemnation IS necessary now!). Condemning one of our own without a valid reason is a slight condemnation of our own selves.
