Upon reflection, I remember when things began to go downwards. After the twins were born, they had to be rushed into the IC unit for premies. I laid in a nearby room recovering from my cesarean.
Although it looked gloomy, it was a wonderful time. My husband and I looked at each other. Both very inexperienced with babies and now we had two! How would we make it? Just these thoughts made us cry. We literally cried together. It was a beautiful moment. Warm and somehow we strengthened each other that we would do it. We were in the trenches together.
Until the mother in law came.
She's so take charge and competent. Its a wonderful trait. And she loves her son. That wonderful too. So, I couldn't see where the problem was. I could only observe the series of actions that followed, observe my own emotional reactions to them, but there was just too much to do for me to process all the information.
She came, with all her wealth and prestige. She is a highly sought after teacher of physics and travels around the world giving lectures. She came and went with my husband, her son, shopping for cribs, blankets, this and that for the new babies. I tried to come along, but it was just too painful as I was still recovering. So, I felt as though I was relegated to producing milk. The nurse recommended nursing for the twins to help them to grow stronger faster.
I felt like a cow.
I am not blaming her for anything she did. But I think upon reflecting, I was getting more and more jealous that she was taking up all the special moments my husband and I were supposed to share. Conversations with me seemed only around milk, how much, etc. When we did finally get one of the babies home, I also resented her presence when I wanted to nurse privately. Unfortunately, I was so overwhelmed by it all, I couldn't really pinpoint what bothered me.
Eventually, I ran away from home!
Yep, left everything and ran off to a friends house. For a day, I just pretended that I wasn't me. I immersed myself into her life and tried to brush off her "but didn't you just have twins?" questions. Even after I came back, I still didn't have my thoughts together and my words together to expressed my jealousy, my hurt, etc. After all, she was helping and doing good.
its the low moments that I really need someone to be strong for me because otherwise it may be hard, or harder to get up once someone gets a chance to walk on me (even unintentionally).
2 comments:
Oh wow. Mother out Laws.
I used to fight with one of my sister's Mother in Law. I feel bad about it now but I hated seeing my sister walked all over. I don't know what it is but the only time I acquire the killer instinct is when someone messes with my family. We all have it for each other, its wierd.
I hope you can gradually draw firm boundaries and maintain serenity.
Grata,
My mum calls all inlaws Outlaws too...
Oh wow Miriam. My mum once told me to make sure that I married a guy whose mum was dead or I should be engaged to the guy and only marry him once his mum was six foot under. She was jokingly passing me the message that all mil's are evil.
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