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I don't have the answer, I am just putting it out in the hopes that some IR blogger will have some input. I sometimes wonder what happens to the black stepson when the mother is a BW who married a WM. Or, in my case when the son is biracial but one can clearly see he has some black in him. Can they learn from the father even though his life experience can potentially be totally or significantly less troublesome than theirs?
The only reason I am thinking about this at such an early stage is because I see the bonding happening with my son and his father. Even though he's barely two, he knows "papa and I have a wee-wee!"
Its too cute!
Well, here's another thing for me to shed tears and pray about.
11 comments:
""papa and I have a wee-wee!"
Too funny. You wouldn't believe my little guy's horror when he caught me coming out of the shower and discovered that I don't have one! Now everyone on the planet knows that only boys have penises.
As for the role model issue, of course a white man can be a role model for his son. I watch my son emulating his daddy and it's the most amazing thing in the world. After all, if we want them to be good men then who better to copy than the men WE CHOSE to be their fathers?
Hehe - little kids are so cute. As one of my favorite comedians, Eugene Mirman, said, "People say that kids say the darndest things. Well you would, too, if you had no education!"
I wouldn't worry about this, Miriam. Well, I mean you can, but from what I've seen it's not necessary. HAVING a good role model for one's son is the most crucial thing. (More than one role model helps, as well). I've met grown biracial boys whose fathers were not the same race as they appeared to be, and so long as their fathers loved them, were present in their lives, etc. they were fine.
My husband is biracial (Japanese and Mexican), and looks very Asian whereas his father looks white-Mexican. He and his dad are very close, and very similar in many ways. The fact that they appear to be two different ethnic groups has just never been an issue for the two of them (for others, maybe, but not for them).
It doesn't hurt to pray about it, but I think you should be prepared to laugh more than cry over this in the future!
Roslyn said:
You wouldn't believe my little guy's horror when he caught me coming out of the shower and discovered that I don't have one!
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Now that's hilarious! The shock. lol
Yes, this is true. And it resonates with me. As I read this I realize its not each specific event in life they have to copy, just how to deal with thing, such as stress, etc. They can learn patience, cleverness, optimisism, etc.
H Sofia said:
"People say that kids say the darndest things. Well you would, too, if you had no education!"
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I hope I'm not too emotional these days, but y'all's responses are just making me smile all day long!
True. The love the father gives them, boosts their own confidence -even without anything more being taught, they know they are loved. And that's a big thing!
And thanks for the lesson re: your husband and his father. Not making an issue out of it -like the outside world might, goes a long way.
I am so glad I put the question out there. I'm going to cherish these responses!
Thank you, Roslyn and H Sofia!
The most important thing his white daddy has to teach him is to be a good man. A good role model is what he needs, someone he sees treating his mama and others with respect. Our kids will be ok, they have awesome daddy's! they will grow to be awesome men!
Tania -Amen!! Yes, I must remember the focus is on the values and trait. Not individual experience. I guess even a white son w/ a white father may have different life experiences., but the values is what's important to be taught.
Miriam:
Yes a WM can be a role model for his black son. He can express empathy, even if he can't necessarily relate to experiences in terms of race. Like your son says, he already has something in common with his Papa, he has a "wee-wee". That is too cute. I think that a strong father figure is important, regardless of race.
Oops I forgot to add. I have recently acquired a new little brother (my parents adopted my cousins, two youngest kids, a boy, age 8, and a girl age 10), and my new brother and sister LOVE my husband. The boy always follows my husband around and is the first to run and give him a hug when we go to my parents or when they come over here. This is the first time in his life has had ANY males around him consistently and he loves it, and he doesn't seem to be bothered with my husband's race, he just thinks of him as a cool older brother who lets him get away with murder and feeds him tons of sugar.
Siditty - I think that is so special of your parents to take that on. I am sure they are not so young -but young at heart! And compassionate obviously.
I am so glad your new brother has a role model. I see now that just the love and concern from A man, black or white, is one of the things that really help to give boys confidence.
To what extent, if any, does Israeli society subscribe to the notion of the "one drop" rule? Would a biracial kid automatically be seen as black? I'm just wondering.
Roslyn,
I agree with what you wrote 100%! Being a good person doesn't have to do with race/skin color..it's all about someone's character. As Roslyn mentioned we black women who are married to non-black men and have biracial/mixed race children love/respect our husbands because of the kind of people they are which has nothing to do with their race. We are all human beings...first. Therefore, OF COURSE a WM can be a role model for his black son! It is HIS SON...afterall! ;)
Why wouldn't a White man be a great role model for his biracial son? And since when do White men biologically father Black boys? LOL
As long as he is instilling good values and morals into your kid, then it's all good.
:)
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