The woman makes the home. I am in agreement with the idea that women shouldn't wait around; they should find good men and marry them.
The only problem one should be aware of is the aftermath.
Thank God, I feel I worked on myself and realized I deserve a good man, I deserve to be loved and even if it means I must cross the racial barrier, if I find that one guy who will love me elsewhere, I'm grabbing the chance!
Thank God, I did find someone like that! I think he's a great guy. However, as time went on and as children came, I began to slack off in taking care of myself. This caused me to lose my own self respect.
I would catch myself saying things like, "Oy! I"m so stupid! Why didn't I...." or "Ah! what's wrong with me!" Especially when the first delivery came -twins. Then I really stopped. Hardly any showers, hardly buying myself fun, girly, feel good things. Grabbing what I could eat when the babies would permit and stuffing my face before one of them began to cry for attention. If I knew something was wrong, but didn't get it validated by hubby, I would not do anything about it. I felt like I needed his opinion for anything.
It was crazy! But it took its toll. I wish I could insert something from the book of Proverbs here, but I"m writing on the fly. Whereas I used to feel like the biblical Rachel and Jacob. Now, I feel more like the unloved Leah and Jacob.
Anyway, this led to my husband acting towards me the way I acted towards myself. Disrespectful.
Now I have to work at righting the wrong that I caused myself. This was a very frank post, more for me, and hopefully for anyone else who tend to slide down on the self esteem ladder if not enough attention is given to it.
Now, I have begun to take care of myself again. Its like a lost sense, like not second nature but slowly slowly, I'll be alright again.
9 comments:
I do hope things get better for you and your husband. Wow, I really don't know if I want to get married...LOL
And always remember to take care of yourself, at least sometimes!
lol oh no no Randi! Its really good. The benefits are more than the low times.
Yes, I will try!
I think that marriage, like any relationship, goes through its ups and downs. I've been with my husband for a little over two years now, and we're fortunate to have a lot of time to talk and be with each other. More than most couples, I'm certain. I've been tempted numerous times to keep painful thoughts, sadness, and other feelings to myself, and just "deal with it by myself" (as an independent woman).
Fortunately, my hubby is a better communicator than I am, and is always reaching out to me. Now I'm learning to reach out to him, but I often wonder how it would be if he wasn't like this - it would be very hard for us stay connected.
You write about one of those hard nuances of marriage/partnership that rarely gets articulated in articles about relationships. But it's how it is! At least you've recognized what's going on, and you're addressing it.
Good for you girl! I know how hard it is with 2 babies and yours are twinnings.
H Sofia - you have no idea how often I want to throw in the towel these days. Its much harder when the communication is not flowing well.
Tania - Thanks for the vote of confidence. We shall see what happens.
Miriam,
I am a long time reader, first time commenter. I love your blog and your insights to life. I understand completely what you are talking about. I have the same problem since I had my daughter.
Keep up all the hard work and let me know if you have any special tips.
Hi Tee-Jay - Thanks for reading and I appreciate your comment. I hope we both surmount this one day at a time. I'll certainly blog on the progress -if any.
Miriam-
may i share something that i have learned?
take care of yourself first. if that means getting up a little earlier, having a date with yourself, setting aside the guilt that you feel (i had to wrestle guilt as a new mother)---me time is a necessity. it is not a luxury.
it really works. it is funny too. it has been established by me. my family understands and respects the sacredness of this time. as i respect that sports on t.v. is not a great time to talk and my son does not like big hugs and kisses in front of his friends:-)
let me know what you think.
blessings!
focusedpurpose
focusedpurpose:
I really appreciate hearing this. I think part of my problem was that I was very isolated from friends and family.
There was no one to repeat this over and over. At times, we all need encouragement. Encouragement not to feel guilty over something that's not supposed to bring guilt; encouragement in everything.
I think sometimes that women are more social creatures than men in that they need that circle of friends. The constant dialog and encouragement.
Thank you.
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