School - more Musings

Well, as many of you readers know, I've stopped the homeschooling. It hurts, but the girls are in the school system now.

I miss so much:

Not having to have a big deal about the girls' hair. There was no one to compete. No white girls hair being tossed in their faces for them to compare with. It was just them and those we associated with.

Now, they have lots and lots of white girls surrounding them. They have books, notebooks, fun papers, etc all with pictures promoting white children, white look. I hope they fair out okay.

I miss so much not having to wake up to an alarm! I could hear the neighbor's kids screaming and the parents screaming and everyone scrambling to get ready for school, and work, etc. while I rolled over in bed and dosed off.  Not anymore.

Now, we are among the screamers rushing to get hairs combed, school clothes on, supplies, lunches, etc. And then its all over and.... my kids are gone.

I miss so much realizing that they needed an out and saying, "okay kids, let's all head for x place!" We'd go somewhere for a few days whenever we could.  It was important since so many English speaking AA and African Jews are scattered around Israel, in order to make sure my kids are exposed to "people who look like them/their mom" I had to travel. Not anymore.

School is everyday.

Anyway, I felt like the homeschooling was not appreciated. It wasn't.  I had zero support around close to me.  In fact, I even had to hid the fact that I homeschooled from certain people who just could not process this information mentally. There was always a constant pressure to stop --they just didn't have a convincing enough reason.

Well, the kids needed to learn Hebrew.  How else could they live in a society where the native language is Hebrew unless they learn Hebrew.  And they could only learn it by going to school.

Now there are two kids left at home.  I don't even have the strength to bother homechooling them. Why invest time and effort.  Its not that I was doing it to get a pat on the back or to be appreciated.  It was an investment on their self esteem. **sigh**.


I've got this big lump in my throat. Where is the frustration bin?  Its just that I worked so hard at something and..

Look in the bright side! They'll learn Hebrew, have heroes in their school, etc etc. just like society wanted.

epilogue: one of these days, all this pent up frustration may want to come out. What do I do then? This the second time in the space of three weeks that I'm musing about this.