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Why is it that my main weapon always gets used as my last resort?!
Whenever I'm deep in trouble, the Torah /Heb. Bible has always strengthened me with its comforting, truthful words. This time was no different.
Its the end of the pregnancy. Sages say these times are connected to din /judgement. The woman is being judged at this moment. Yom Kippur all over again. Aaaaaahhh!!! Have I done well?
Its also a time for me to reflect and think and over analyse things and get somewhat down about stuff. Such as the situation with the Israeli captives, etc. But davka now is not the time to be down. According Rabbi Ginzburgh, from an essay in the book "Expecting Miracles" during labor and delivery is the time one should access Chedvah /Joy.
There are so many words for Joy in Hebrew. I had to figure which nuance of joy do they mean by chevdvah. Correct me if I"m wrong, but it seems that chevdvah is the point of joy. For example, if joy was an arrow coming down to us from heaven, the tippy point of the arrow, the initial part that enters us, would be called chevdvah.
Hmmmm, okay. Now how do I feel this? How do I experience this? Especially in light of my feeling exhausted from some family negativity that I could do without, the fear that hubby would side with his family rather than be on my side, the baby being breech positioned, the house not being as nice as I would like it, etc.
Well, had I looked earlier into the Heb Bible, I would find that we are in Parashat Re'eh /Deutoronomy 11 now. With the famous: "I put before you a blessing and a curse" phrase.
Sure enough, I have before me a blessing and a curse. I can either succumb to the negativity thrown at me, and sulk, and close my heart and be unable to receive or experience this chedvah or I can count my blessings, stay focused, and reach that chedvah joy that is so crucial in childbearing.
Chedvah is crucial because it is the tikkun /rectification of Chava's (Eve's) sin w/the forbidden fruit.
"Chedvah Hashem hi maozchem" / "God's joy is your strength"
Its a bit complicated to explain in english but, according to the book "Expecting Miracles" adding that "dalet" that "letter d" to chava, to create the word chedvah takes us away from chava, and brings us to Chaya, the rectified Eve/chava.
As the midwives said to Pharaoh: "the Hebrew women are unlike the Egyptian women, for they are lively(chayot -plural for chaya), before the midwife comes to them, they have given birth."
(the midwives said this as an excuse as to why they couldn't kill the children -me).
Its as if with chevdvah, the woman can take the birthing into her own hands and not feel that dependency of looking to others for their kindness and help.
So, with gratitude to Hashem /God, I am going to shake off these negativities and forget about them. I am going to not have anything to do with them. (why do folks try to stress out preg. women anyway?!) Just push them all away from my mind and being.
One way to attain chedvah is through breathing exercises. Deep breathing in conjunction with holy thoughts. A special time is coming before me, I want to embrace this blessing, this opportunity. In the book, Guide to Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskin many women seem to have attained a great level! There were some women who can even experience orgasms during the birth.
Now that is strange! But inspiring. I don't even hope for that, but its good to know.
Another special time is approaching that I can look forward to. After this weekend, will be the month of Elul. The time of blowing the shofar every day. Its always amusing to hear the guys that just can't make it with their shofar blowing vs the booming and experienced shofar blowers. That means the kids will want toy shofars for play. I mean every kid on the block. And the hot weather will begin to get cooler, and everyone will start preparing for the high holidays! Now I have a smile on my face. Joy is a beautiful thing. Don't ever let anyone take it from you -not any part of it!
Have a great weekend everyone!
A special, heart-felt thank you to all the commentors who left some kind words. I cherished them and appreciate them very much.
5 comments:
Your attitude shift made my day.
I must be WAY behind, because I hadn't even realized you were expecting, much less this far along. B'shaa tovah!
(I'd add, "illegitimi non carborundum", but now that I know you're expecting, I don't want it misinterpreted out of context, LOL!)
Nice post! And good job with turning negatives into positives! Not easy to do especially if your pregnant! Good luck with everything and b'shaa tova!!
P.S. My baby was breech to until last week (Im 38 weeks)...Im sure your doing the exercises! ((Hugs!)) Hang in there!
Have a good shabbos!
we all know the blessing and a curse syndrome, especially regarding family lol
u have a great weekend as well
Yeah for the holidays! holiday season is my favorite time of the year too.
My wife is also due here anytime within the next 2 weeks (maybe three) so Congratulations!
I have heard about the orgasm during delivery before, back when I was researching child birth with my first daughter. It only makes sense though, all the same nerves are in birth canal and usually they work like a switch regardless of what the owners intention may or may not be.
I swear I must have watched about a hundred or so childbirths on the internet. By the time I was done I was confident I could have delivered the baby myself had the situation called for it. I honestly think it would be a good experience. Telling your kid that you were the first thing they saw in life
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