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Don't expect a polished work here. Just stating facts and musing.
TIER DIFFERENCE
My husband comes from an affluent family. They always had a maid. A live in maid. When he was a teenager, he and his sister went touring Europe -just them. There was no "capital" punishment in their home.
In contrast, I come from immigrants from the Carribean. My Mom was a CRN, my dad got whatever job he could. He would also help people file their taxes. We lived in an old Puerto Rican neighborhood where the summertime fun was opening the fire hydrant and splashing cars, people and anyone/thing else that wanted.
Slowly, my neighborhood changed. First the cops came. Everything was suspect and everything became wrong. They chased people, arrested gang bangers. The police would be impatient if the traffic was too slow and speak out on their car loud speaker. They even wanted to search my house but my mom would not let them in. lol! Yay, Mom!
My house was typical old country strict. I'd say the house had an enneagram type 1 there. Hardly hugs, chores expected to be done. Love shown in other ways though.
So I met my husband. At first I was not used to his way of life. I was even bothered by it. It annoyed me how he needed to be comfortable, resisting suffering or struggling. In fact, I probably broke all the rules found in all those self empowerment blogs nowadays! Hah!
But I think such a thing is possible, if the pair is smart and open minded. Being able to be understanding and appreciating but yet respectful of what one is used to or want is a must.
THE RELUCTANT QUEEN
At times I feel like a reluctant queen. As a stay home mom, I feel upset when the house is not in order -especially if Hubby dares say anything about it. But then I realized, there is nothing stopping me from getting household help. Nothing but my own inhibitions.
Now, thank God, I have help coming in once a week. Sometimes twice a week. It's such a burden lifted off my back and I feel like the proper queen relegating duties and keeping the house right. Now, to work on having fun...
3 comments:
Hi there!
Thanks for sharing your personal experience... I too came from a household where domestic help was MANDATORY. My mother figured that she had THREE children and there was no reason at all for her to spend her time with domestic work when there are maids waiting to be hired. When I got to be about six or seven, a full time chef was hired.
I meet TONS of blacks (in this country and in other countries!!) who think that black people in America have never lived this way! *LOL* Ahhhh.... the stereotypes that some folks loooove to hold on to! *LOL*
I think that I developed a mentality that I was SUPPOSED to live a certain way...to live in comfort and with the added convenience of help.
Yet, I see that THIS is the same mentality that people who are outside of my own class tier have... but they think they are SUPPOSED to struggle and scrape by. They think THAT is what the black experience is.
That is NOT how the "black experience" has been defined for me, however... due to my own experience.
One lady at church who is from the lower class tier says that "only lazy women hire help to clean up after them!" and THAT is her mentality since she is the grand-daughter of a domestic.
In my mind, "only mules work until death".
Oh... on an unrelated matter... I know you have a teen blog so you may be interested in this:
http://www.beautifullymade.info/
Hi Rev. Lisa,
Its funny, where did this idea come from?
Once I went to buy a bed and came into the store to check it out. The clerk, who was really nice, encouraged me to check it out. So, I reached out and pressed with my hands! LOL!
The clerk gave me a sidewise look as if to say, "are you for real?!" So I smiled and sat on the bed. This way I could judge it much better.
I figured it was good and called my husband (we were buying 6 beds, so I wanted his okay). He comes into the store and just literally sprawls on the bed!!!
I laughed so hard at the contrast between us!
Its a very hard thing to deprogram. At times, the program is off; but then at other times -the times when I"m insecure- its flaming all systems go with the old programing.
re: Beautifully made. I'll check it out.
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