Sunday, May 3, 2009

Musing on Negative Emotions, Lights, Vessels, Ego

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The following is NOT completely thought out yet.

I was upset the other day. I could not pinpoint what exactly it was that was upsetting me. At first I figured that it was coming from my lack of food, the lack of chicken pot pie specifically, then I figured it was coming from some unresolved issues with Mr. Blackfirewhitefire (How come I get stuck with most of the kids when we're on a bus?), then I stopped.

I started to wonder whether I'm just plain upset and am looking for a reason to validate my upset-ness? Some excuse as to point to and say, 'THIS is why I'm upset!'

This reminded me of two concepts. (1) In physics, we learn that matter is simply a more coarser form of light. I'm sure its more complicated then that but for brevity let's leave it at that. Light is a form of energy, energy can be made into matter (E=mc2).

(2) In Kabbalah, we learn that vessels that contain light are themselves a coarser form of light. Kind of like if the act of studying is a light, then actually doing what we've just studied is like a vessel -a coarser light (matter) of the same "studying" light.

So that got me wondering, could my irritability be a form of light and the actual thing I'm upset about be merely a "vessel" (a matter)or a coarser form of the irritability? In other words, could I really be upset about really nothing, but since that's too incredible or unacceptable (it has to be channeled into something), I search mentally for something to latch my upset-ness onto? After all, when we see someone upset we ask "what's the MATTER?" (that last sentence was a joke)

For example. Say I'm in a good mood. There's a fly in the room. Okay, fine. It doesn't bother me. Then somehow this trigger happens in which my body sends out some irritability hormones or a spirit comes around whipping up sadness in me or (pick a field of study) however or whatever angle we want to go at it, the bad mood comes. Then! Only then does the fly becomes a bother.

But if that theory is correct then if 10 flies came into the room...What? I wouldn't be bothered? Of course I would! So that doesn't make much sense.

Unless...

The goal of it all is not to become complacent in our needs. This downer spirit, saddening hormone, constricted mentality, whatever its called in whatever field of study (WEICIWEFOS) we choose to invoke, is meant to be there. To direct us to zoom in and destroy a bad situation in our sphere. (Like a particle meeting an anti-particle. They annihilate each other when they meet-- and produce photons: light!).

As if the fly, the problem, the anti-particle (the PARTIcuLar problem) triggers us to release particle "stuff" to annihilate the problem. This in turn brings us photons. Light.

(At times light can act as a particles and other times as waves)

This reminds me of when the Jewish people, fresh out of Egyptian slavery, were heading for Israel. They sent spies who came back with a bad report. they came with a bad report because they did not want to enter into the land; they wanted to go back to their old familiar Egypt or perhaps stay in the desert. They forgot how harsh and terrible slavery was. And so they wept! They wept over nothing (anti-particle alert!)

God became "angry" with them for crying such tears (for creating such particles) for nothing (no anti-particles to annul) and told them that now they would truly have something to cry about. Ever since then we've had to deal with the destruction of the first and second temple, the holocaust, and other events all happening around the same time that this false weeping occurred. Those horrible events are the anti-particles sent to annul the particles that was created from our false weeping and refusal to enter the land.

That, is like God sending the "anti-particle" or the downer spirit, or the hormone or whatever, etc., to annihilate this particle of bad report on the land. the eventual end result is that in the end of times that very day will bring forth great light! Photons!

I took this thought to a biochemist who also knows physics just to get his take.

He said my theory was.....



PRIMITIVE!!! ***LOL****

Not only that but then he wowed me with things he was working on at the moment. He also pushed this theory further and said that repentance is also a greater particle to match greater anti-particles. Basically it can spiritually nullify a sin. He also reversed it and said the good, the miracles, the repentance are particles and the wrong that occurred are anti-particles. I felt like running away with my tail between my legs! Okay, I've got to improve on my physics and math and step up to the plate.

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