Monday, September 10, 2012

Regrets


Thank goodness, there are very few things that I regret in my life.

I always have that question, "will I regret this?"  and try to always make sure that the answer is no.  Effectively, there are very few things I actually regret having done.

However, for the few things that I do regret, goodness, I don't know if I can ever shake that feeling.'

There are really two things I regret:

(1)Ending the homeschooling.   Mainly because of the way I ended it --out collapsing under peer pressure from everyone around me -mainly my own husband.

Every one who met my kids saw their middot and how smart they were.  Oddly, the response was always the same, "oh! you should send them to school, they're so smart!!"

I always smiled because, its BECAUSE they were homeschooled that they knew as much as they knew at the age that they knew them....but the "logic" goes...that if they're so smart, they need to be in a school setting -probably to show off all that smartness????

(2) The other thing I regret was trusting a certain person. Let's call him person Z.   This person Z and I decided to pool our money together to help person B. Person B was getting diagnosed and could possibly need surgery.  Person Z and I collaborated and decided we would help her when the time came.  But when the time came, Person Z did not want to give the money. It was a tight situation! She needed surgery right away and was already in the hospital.  I had to scramble around to find money as person B layed in the hospital needing surgery.  Thank goodness, others came to the rescue and together we pooled enough money to help her with her surgery.

Trust.

Very touchy topic.

Now comes the difficult tasks of letting these things go.

But every morning when I hear all the stress and the pressure cooker rush to get everyone dressed and fed and packed up and shipped out... there is always inevitably some slander, some impatience, some feelings hurt, some need to hunt around the house for something, which brings with it mild anger and frustration..so much negativity and then off they go!  And its not over, while I am glad that the school they are in has a good deal of diversity, I an not happy that they have to face a picture of some pale white Moses with blond hair  every day.  Yes, they can resist the temptation of the thought that Moses was some white European guy...but not for long.

Year after year, I had been expose to Charleton Heston's Moses character and it was hard not to imagine him as moses. But thank goodness I know better--- it also helped that I switched religions, so its like those are all the "christian stuff" in my mind.

But what about my kids?  I am the only one who will care about this sort of thing, because I am the only one who knows the real impact of these sort of things. Others can "compiserate" IF- they can even be emotionally supportive.

Anyway, just had to get this off my chest.

2 comments:

C Yocheved said...

What an amazing post. Thanks so much for sharing. I also stopped homeschooling my children, and while I don't (currently) regret it, I do understand much of what you're saying. Sadly, there is not much diversity in my kids' school and gan. How old are your children?

Mornings here sound a lot crazier than at your place! lol And I do miss being able to eat lunch with everyone, but, at least there is breakfast and dinner.

Facing a white Moshe would really, really drive me nuts, but we haven't gotten to that point yet (I'm sure we will, though!)

Miriam said...

Hi C Yocheved,

The ones in school are 7,7, and 6. Its a nice school with lots of Sephardim and Ethiopians..I mean more than your token one or two.

Also, I am actually going to talk to the principal /menahel about the picture. Just have to work up the guts... but he's Teimani, so I hope he'll get what i'm saying.

i just wished that I didn't buckle, but made the decision on my own.