Friday, June 10, 2011

An Accounting --The Invisible Ceiling

An Accounting

My life has been such a roller coaster ride.  So much happenings, so much emotions, so much struggles. So many times I've been at such a desparate state I could almost taste what I wanted on my tongue -that's how badly I wanted something, but yet it was so far away; and then somehow I got it and felt so relieved that all I could do was lay down.

Most of the readers here already know about the abuse I went through when I was a kid. Being chased by a monster is no fun. But it also did something else, it kept me from engaging in alot of things society was engaged in. I simply couldn't.  Too busy strategizing for my next escape route.

Finally I grew up and could do what I want.  So I became a workaholic.  Didn't have much else to do with my time and making money seemed....sweet!!!  I worked and shopped. Worked and shopped. that was my life. I loved it!! lol.  A certain amount was always taken out of my paycheck and put straight into my bank account. So I didn't have to worry about saving any part of the check that I got. I just went and spent!

Thank goodness I did okay. Had a car. Had a condo.It was interesting how my mind worked then.  I knew if I walked into a store and there was something I liked, I could have it. No questions.  My wants became crazy.  I wanted a violin. I got it.  I wanted a clarinet. Got it.  Keyboard. Done.  Cable, memberships, clothing, whatever -if I wanted it, I got it.

It was a strange and different life from what my parents teachings.  At home I was modest and extremely reserved. Now I was still modest and reserved, but I didn't hold back from getting what i wanted -now that I tasted the power of money.

To be continued...

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