Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Dragging My Feet


When I was a kid, I had an abusive and nasty perpetrator in my life which I had to run away from and recover from. Now, thank G-d, miles and miles away from America, from Mr. Perp, I continue my healing.

Its as if after the whole ordeal, I was left in a wheelchair. A spiritual wheel chair. In the physical world, I walked alright; no one would know I had any problems. But the signs were there in the world of emotions and spirituality. So as I wheeled myself around, faking like I was normal, deep down I was healing and healing and healing.

First I tried to stand.

The problem area is the right leg, the groin area, and the left leg. Spiritually speaking, the right leg represents dominance, long lasting(ness) and perserverance. It is personified by Moses who took the Hebrews out of Egypt and gave them the Torah. He tried to bring them into the land as well --knowing that his "shtick" is dominance, long lastingness and perserverance, he knew that if he could bring them into the land, it would be their's permanently! Alas, he was unable to bring them, but he did instill the yearning for the land, which to this day is still around.

So, my right-legged step is the creation of the Lemonhead series. A series of books, G-d willing, children's books with Jewish stories and Black characters. I pray to G-d that this should be a legacy.

The groin -well, I'll keep that to myself for now. LOL.

The left leg...now there's the problem. Right now I think I'm dragging it. Spiritually, of course. The left leg represents splendor, empathy, withholding for the sake of giving, etc. It is represented by Aaron, the high priest and brother of Moses. Aaron did not want the people to build a golden calf, but saw the unreast of the people and figured he'd stay quiet about it. This was his way of holding back. Also, whenever there was an argument in the camp, according to the sages, Aaron would go to each party and tell them that the "other side" said sorry. That way, each side thought that the other side caved in and they themselves would also apologize and peace was made.

I want to be like Aaron. I can hold a grudge! I need to learn to forgive much more easily. I need to understand that most times people don't do things purposefully to hurt me, but because they themselves may have a trait that needs work and this is how it manifests itself. Its not personal.

Also, in the splendor department, I push myself to revise and revise and revise the work that I do to make sure they are beautiful and full of splendor. But it doesn't come easy. Laziness wants to creep in. Right now, its in full force. Just the thought of doing a load of laundry makes me want to go to bed! lol.

During a chunk of my life, I have had to fight, be distrustful, use strength against things/people that seemed so much stronger than I. Its not easy to "put down one's weapon." Even harder to pick up another one. Even harder still to recognized that this needs to be happening. But thank goodness, my eyes are open. Now if I can just ...do it...

Anyway, I am dragging that left leg along. Please G-d as I progress in the healing, I'll learn to "walk" better, then to run, then to fly!!!

May this post be a healing to all those in need of a complete recovery. Amen v'Amen!!

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