Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The Hysterical

The hardest part about dealing with the "Bad Guys" of this world are many.

(1) Unlike what TV, movie and other mediums have taught, the "Bad Guys" are not usually ugly, unliked, unlikable, or dirty. In fact, more times that not they are usually, handsome or beautiful, well liked, friendly, and clean!

(2) The "Bad Guys" are usually complex as well. They may have very good sides to them. The rest of their behavior may almost seem to contradict one's mind from thinking this person is bad (for me!).

However, the hardest part of dealing with hurtful people is the slow reaction and then the great hysterics that accompany the final, long awaited action.

Many -usually women- who have been through abuse of any kind -and I'm talking abuse by a partner, by enablers, by media calling them names and shaming them before an international audience- have to work their way through the rationalization that "this didn't just happen to me" "surely I'm reading this wrong"

After however many days, months, years it takes to get over the denial and finally act, there is so much pent up rage waiting to unleash that the 'victim' no matter how righteous she/he is, comes off seeming ridiculously over reacting!

This can come out looking bad to a therapist. The Therapist may not understand this and somehow find more calming, bonding to the abuser who's controlled and calm. Somehow the person/victim/survivor has to find it in themselves the knowledge that they ARE right and understand that they may not be behaving rationally at the moment, but this is the energy force that they need to propel themselves to make things better for themselves.

I like (most) of the changes in BW that I am seeing in blogosphere. I pray that somehow-even though we are not a monolith, as I hear time and time again- that somehow we do learn to bond -as we are bonded no matter what anyway- in a positive, supportive, and beneficial way to each other.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Wonders of Wonders....

Catch a peek at rapper Pharrell at an Orthodox Jewish wedding!


(hat tip: Jacob Da Jew)

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Couldn't resist!

It just occurred to me to check YouTube for this song! I sing it so much to all my family members -just change the "my girl" to Rina, Yael, Avi, and even "Papa". (yep, we call each other mama and papa LOL --sometimes!)

Such good music. Sigh.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Be Back Soon...

Hey all,

Haven't been able to post about 'nothin these days. I've been too busy gearing up for my little Rina's trip to the doctor. More later...

Meanwhile, here is some interesting stuff used here in Israel:

Some Psalms book have a section in which it tells you which psalms are more propitious for what. For example: Psalms said mostly for recovery from illness: Psalms:6, 13, 20, 22, 23, 30, 32, 38, 41, 51, 86, 88, 91, 102, 103, 121, 130, 142, and 143

While all Psalms are really fine for everything. Its just interesting why they have these designated prayer section in their book. Although I know for me, when I am saying Psalms, I do get hesitant over this one particular one. I can't remember which is it at the moment, but its the one in which David says to check him out and judge him because he's clean'. Can I dare say those words?! Will God take me seriously?

Anyway, That was my critical review.

Take care!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

The Black Man and the Black Woman


I remember my heart pounding. We're sitting ducks. I'm a sitting duck. It was just us kids around, me, my oldest, but suicidal brother, my one-year older than me brother, and the twin babies. There were no adults in the house. Save Mr Perp. Mr Perp always waited til we were alone to make his move. He just loved to 'babysit' us. That way he had good access -to me!

My heart pounded as I waited in hiding as he searched around the house for me. He kept calling my name out. My good little girl sense kept telling me: "an adult is calling, I must respond!" but at the same time my lone survivor voice kept saying, "don't you go to that weirdo!" and so these voice raged on in my head with every room Mr. Perp ransacked looking for me. He was getting angrier and angrier at each thrashing!

All my siblings were downstairs outside playing. How could I get to them, I worried. Finally, the moment I feared became! With a quick swift push of the bed, he found me cowering under there. With vengeful anger he grabbed my arm and dragged me to my parents bedroom. "no!" "NO!" I cried. Bitter bitter tears. Tears of an angry child unable to help herself, tears of frustration that this happens time and time again, Tears of anguish, where are my caretakers?! Where are those who love me?! I wailed unabashed! Perhaps a neighbor will care, I thought wildly.

In my parents room, he began to scold me for hiding from him. He called me all sorts of names. Then he raised that big ugly hand to strike me. I cringed in preparation. Somehow I wasn't as angry anymore. This, I could handle. I had trained myself so many times to be able to withstand physical pain. I used to hit myself over and over with anything I could find, anything that struck me with fear. Just so I'd get over my fear of pain. Somehow at 13 or 14, I knew in order for me to get anywhere in my situation, I had to be able to do it THROUGH or despite the pain.

His hand rose high. But that's where things changed.

"Don't hit my sister!" boomed a voice.

It was my brother. The one year older than me brother. My dear brother who hardly talks. He hardly spoke, I think, because of all the insults of how stupid, wrong, bad, etc that he is that gets thrown at him daily. When he did talk, you could tell it could be loud, but you would always hear the suppression of that loudness in his voice. But this time, there was no suppressing it.

"Don't hit my sister!" He said again, more fiercely.

My tears became tears of joy. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I got the strength to twist my arm out from Mr. Perp's as my brother dove in for the attack. they fought. The struggled moved on into another room. That day, I loved my brother with a love I never knew existed. It wasn't sexual, It more part motherly, but not. Part sisterly but more than that. A mixture of pride, love, surrender, confusion. I can't even explain it.

Then I usually remember myself and snap out of the flashback and try to live my life like a normal person. I'm a wife, mother, friend, sister, BW, Jew. No time to think about the past. I step up my pace in whatever I'm doing and flick away the insistent tear in one eye.

This is my life.


This flashback came, courtesy of reading Black Women Vote! blog where in the comment section people were debating how should sex offenders be treated vs too many BF in the American (racist) prison system.

I couldn't put any real thoughts out because it was just too close to home. What to do with these people. Shoot them. Throw them to the dogs!

Indeed, it is a great problem, if not the number one problem in the black community. Too many crimes on the black women and children! Its exacerbated by a racist system that doesn't bat an eye when such reports come, and even barely report them to the general media.

Not to mention the subtle crimes that men do. Slithering into women's lives, as if. And the leaving them for another women -creating such an upheaval in the social structure of things, and not to mention babies in their wake.

The problem has escalated to the very degree that women need blogs to be "taught" that some men really ARE damaged beyond repair and are not worth entering their lives!

This reminds me of a saying. I don't remember exactly but something like: 'to be so in the dark, that one doesn't even KNOW that they are in the dark, is true darkness indeed!'

So, yes I must say that I am a firm believer of that term "Damaged beyond repair" (although, I must say that I think this could apply to women as well!). And its good to have this term for those who are still too involved or too close in such a situation, so that they can have a special name that reminds them exactly the essence of their 'problem'.

I know that those who are farther removed from the situation, feel a bit bothered by this term. But please; let me assure you, its a needed term. Just like rapist, abuser, killer, etc. Its something that's needed to counterbalance the overly used, and exhausted "brotha".

Many incidences like the one I mentioned above, led me to resolve that I didn't want to marry. Ever. All men were dogs and were out to hurt me. But the only flaw in my thinking was how to fit my brother in my hate theory.


Thank God for my brother. I truly believed that through God's mercy, and from reading and being changed by the Torah, the other positive thing that happened to me was remembering the deeds of my brother. All these things combined, gave me the strength and courage to want to marry again!

I could never know quite how to place my brother in my hate theory. All men are hateful. But how do I explain my brother? Where does he fit? So I came with an initial solution. I decided all men are hateful -EXCEPT my brother. lol Talk about mind games to keep a girl sane!

As life went on, I met more and more guys that I had to put into the 'My Brother the Exception' category. Finally, my theory just didn't really hold anymore. I had to -and had healed enough to be able to-say it: there are some pretty good guys out there.

One thing led to another and soon I found blog world.


I had distanced myself from people in general, because of my past. I had too many secrets to hold. Too many distrust. And I saw things too 'in reality' to be accepting of lies and hypocrisy. But the problem was: a bit of lying and hypocrisy seems to be need for society to function. And that made me a bit of an outcast. But I loved that position because it always gave me a good perspective, an objective perspective. I was free to question and think on my own, because I didn't belong to any clique or group. I had no loyalty to anything, save God.

From my observation, I see many struggling black women. Struggling with so so much. Forces outside: fighting negative images, control of incoming information, racism, colorism, social injustice. Fighting forces within: trying to learn to put Black Women first, struggling with what does that mean, what does it entail. And fighting each other over who's right.

All this fighting together to head in one beneficial direction for BW, and at the same time I hear that 'we are not a monolith'. I see borg behavior (we are the borg, prepare to be assimilated) and I see individualist theorist (there is no black community!). This is the 'energy' that is supposed to bring BW to their beneficial direction.

Anyway, one big topic these factions are all debating is: where does the black man fit into all this. Should we hate em?! Should we coddle him no matter what?! Should he be brought into the picture?! Should he be thrown in a jail without much sleep lost on our parts?!


I wish I had answers. I have learned the hard way that joining cliques doesn't give the answer. It only takes away objectivity and the right to question and observe. Basically, it leads to a fear of man because one must fall in line with whatever label and definition of the label one is 'crowned' with for joining whatever group. Or loyalty will come into question if any questioning is made -thus effectively ending the exploratory and thinking part of a person.

I do know that I have a son. yes, he's in Israel. But one day he may choose to live in America. The chances are pretty likely. How will things be for him? Shouldn't I do my part to make things good for him as well as for my daughters. Does taking care of my daughters and myself, precludes caring for what happens to that dear brother of mine or my darling son?

Granted, I would want all Mr. Perps shot and killed. Okay sorry. I'd like them all put through the justice system. Oh, I'll be honest: shot and killed. LOL. But I do acknowledge that he's not the only type of black man out there.

So what to do? Fight for ourselves and throw a "bone" when no one is looking to our dear male ones?


One thing that I hear in Judaism is that we should all write our own Torah. I have always mulled over that and wondered what it meant. Yes, there are rabbinical translation and interpretations already set for me to read and nod at (some say this means literally finding a sofer and having him write a sefer Torah for them, etc). But I still wonder what other interpretation could there be.

Women have not "written their own Torah" yet. For this reason, there are no formal prayer for being in labor, no formal prayer for when our menstruation comes or when it goes. That may not be a big deal for the non-Jewish world, For a Jew, that is a big deal because it decides when you can be with your husband or not. And, I must add, its pretty exciting when you know you can be together again! A prayer would seem fitting -as we pray about everything else -even just to put an apple in our mouths there is a prayer. There are no formal prayers when three women eat together as there is for Jewish men (these were noted by Chana Henkin, dean of Nishmat Yeshiva -a seminary for girls).

And rightly so!

I don't believe that all the men are sexists animals. I do believe that they felt very very VERY out of place to formulate a formal prayer for events they knew absolutely nothing about!

According to a book I read, Expecting Miracles, a Jewish book about the spiritual side of childbirth, one of the most widely bought book in pre-holocaust Europe was a Yiddish book made by women for women with prayers that they invented for themselves!


Previously I wrote about a saying. About the moon and how it complained to God that she and the sun could not both occupy and rule the sky. You can read that story here.

Well, that moon represented women. Yes, women who was made not from dust -like man- but from living flesh and bone. A very alive person so alive that they can bring forth more life. Like a portal between spiritual and physical! But she was diminished, as the story goes. But listen: God did not diminish the moon!

He simply said, 'okay so diminish yourself, if you think you can't rule side by side with the sun.'.

And as the story goes, It diminished itself. ITSELF. But one day, it will realized that it does need to rule. At least itself if nobody else. LOL. At that time it will blossom again to its full God-given Glory and rule! The story doesn't exactly say what happens to the sun. But that doesn't matter. Because once we begin to see that WE MUST RULE OURSELVES, the sun will take care of itself as it always did.

Anyway, I hope that made sense.

The Black Man

What is it about the BM that evokes so much emotions in people on the blogosphere? its amazing! They are viewed either as damaged beyond repair to saints that need to be coddled whether they committed the most heinous crime or not, but is anyone taking the middle road?

more later...

Friday, January 18, 2008

Anatomy of a Search: The Power of a Hum

I once read a book by Rabbi Akiva Tatz which explained how Jewish people become religious. What motivates them, what blocks them mentally, what some look for as opposed to others. I wish that he was able to expand this into the Black community. I often wondered what would his research results say.

My guess is that BF are a very spiritual bunch. No matter what, or who, even if the person is a self proclaimed athiest, I suspect they'd have some sort of drive towards helping the world, or saving x, y, or z. or some cloaked spiritual drive in the guise of physically helping someone or something.

In history, since the time of slavery, you can read about how Harriet Tubman, for example, did what she did because she felt God was guiding her through voices. Or how people felt vindicated through the Bible. Or even just for sustaining themselves, how so many sang spiritual songs from the Old Testament events.

I am willing to bet that even before they were introduced to the Bible, BF were a spiritual bunch. If anyone can direct me as to where I can read about that era, I'd be so grateful!

At any rate, one beautiful thing that I must say I love about BF spirituality, is they way we hum. Throughout the day, I remember my mother humming away. You'd think there were no problems. I remember a black lady who was getting ready to give birth, how she hummed and hummed through the pain.

A few days ago, I almost fell off my chair with laughter as a Jewish lady came to me and said she wanted to share a secret with me and a bunch of other girls. She said, "my teacher taught me the secret of getting through the day!" Everyone hunched closer to hear this big secret. What was this secret? She says, "she says she hums!"

I smiled and looked down. Oh if only BF knew the beauty that they have. I'm not just talking what degree they have, how they look in the mirror. But these things that are so basic that it doesn't even get counted as beauty.

Having a psalm at the tip of your lips can uplift one's spirit so high! Humming a pleasant tune can give the heart so much energy. Its almost like an antidote to depression.

There is a part of Judaism that focuses on joy. (there are like so many different words for the many different types of joy one can feel: Gila, rina, ditza, hedvah, simcha, sasson, etc) And those who really push this part (The Breslovers) of Judaism, advocate humming!

But we have that already!

Why Can't the BC Rally Together....

For anything? For a prolonged period of time? One of these days I want to take some time out and really understand how many supporters did MLK really have at the time. And How many supporters Malcolm X really had. Was it a lot? Was there a lot of infighting? If there were a lot, how did they manage to keep so many inline? (Well I guess the black community was split between Malcolm X and MLK.)

I want to venture to say that had we our own statisticians, historians, politicians, and doctors that we listened to I wonder if how we view ourselves would be less riddled with self-loathing that SOME have. Perhaps we'd be more in tact.

Just like in the Town of Kings story, the BC and I think many across the continent of Africa has this "I am the Queen" mentality. I am NOT saying its bad, nor that it needs to be fought against. But maybe if we accepted it, and devised different tactics corresponding to this mentality, perhaps we'd get farther faster?

Just putting the idea out, in case anyone can run with it.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

A Town of Kings and the Waning Moon

More short stories from Jewish sources (details adapted my moi!)

There was a town in which a rabbi wanted to "bless" so he said, "you should all become leaders and not followers!"

As a result, millions of little places of worship sprouted, with everyone thinking they knew better than the other one. Even though each single place had a very small number of 'followers' -some just their families. This was how it was.

(Adapted from the story of Yemenite Jews who -according to this traditional joke- refused to return to Israel back in the time of Ezra, and so were given this 'blessing')


It is said that when God made the sun, moon, and stars, the sun and the moon were both the same size. And the moon complained.

"Master!" Cried the moon, "how can there be two rulers of the sky?!"

God replied, "you're right. Diminish yourself!"

And so the moon was diminished into the size it is now. But, as the tradition goes, it will not always be this way. Because the moon was willing to belittle itself that there should be harmony -one leader- at the end of times, its the moon that will rule the sky.

One Joke:

Two complaining parties sought audience from an elderly rabbi. They had hoped to burden him with their problems that he may find a solution for them. As the bickered and bickered and explained their problem to him the rabbi said to party A:

"You are right!"

"How can he be right!" Cried party B. And he went on to explain his side. And to that the rabbi replied, "You are right!"

A third person who was listening to the whole thing, exclaimed, "Rabbi, they can't both be right?!!"

To this the rabbi replied, "And you, too, are right!"

Message for South Carolina:

Anyone living in South Carolina, It maybe worth a few minutes of your time to hop on over to BlackWomenVote! Great discussion there! On target about the needs of BW.

And a beautiful song for BW

I wish I could find the version with the Ladino guys singing this song, but can't. Its a song in Ladino (Hebrew mixed with Spanish) about a dark woman.

If I could change the singer...But anyways she does a good job!

Time to say Thank You, Father!

With Psalm 100 put to music!

And my current favorite singer Yosef Karduner, Psalm 121

And what's a prayer without some deep inspiration to get you in the mood!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Trying to Explain The Chickens

As I tried to explain the whole broohaha about the "chicken" incident to my husband. I had to wait several minutes as he laughed and laughed and laughed and then laughed some more. Its a bit embarrassing, but yes, as I explained to him, feelings are hurt, chickens are hated, and haters are plucking at more than just feathers.


It all started with Classic One's blog. His is a branch off from Halima's and Evia's blog. Its a bit like the "stage two" portion of the whole interracial blogosphere scene from Evia and Halima.

There are lots of people on C-1's blog. The comments can easily go up to the hundreds. And all types of topics are discussed. Well, every so often the talk goes off topic. Some have come to make little jokes about chicken and African villages. Fine. Those who didn't want to read those could skip those jokes.

But things escalated as the whole comment section would derail from chicken jokes, to complaints about chicken jokes, to defenders of chicken jokes, to chicken jokes again. Finally the whole blog feathered out into one big barbecue of roasted chicken parts!


This being a golden opportunity for those who like to cut up and divide, the Haters sunk their teeth into the blog.

Soon, name calling ensued, personal insults were made, accusation of spying, basically people started acting like a bunch of chickens squawking at each other!

Now, a fowl odor is in our midst. People are distrusting of others loyalties, others are afraid to come back to C-1s blog. Misunderstandings are high. I wouldn't even be surprised if some began to think C-1 stood for Chicken 1!!!!!


Folks, can we see how silly things have gotten? Can we get over this whole potpie of a mess? This rotten egg is too hilarious. Besides, we need to get back to the focus of things.

Interracial dating. As my husband said to me many a times, a WM who really wants a BW [i.e. he likes his 'dark meat'] is not going to let any chicken talk deter him [from getting to his bone -brackets, my additions]. Let's stay focused gang!

Modes of speech

As an adult, I have experienced lots of different patterns of speech. While I personally prefer the straightforward -tell me exactly what you want or need- or say what you mean- type of speech, I am trying to convince myself that the other speeches are valid and okay as well. Plus, I want to learn to understand them too.

Speech type #1: This is straight forward. It makes me feel the most at ease. If I say, "would you like something to drink?" the straightforward person will answer "yes! Thank you" or "no, thank you!" And I feel at peace because I know what's expected of me.

Speech type #2: This is a flowery speech meant not to offend anyone. I am surrounded with a lot of people who use this type of speech and must get comfortable with it already! lol. If I ask this person if they want something to drink, the answer will be, "maybe later.." or "only if you're drinking too" or something strange (to me) that I can't really tell if they are trying to say "no" without being too rude or if they even need the drink really.

Speech type #3: The super eloquent. This speech annoys me just ever so slightly because I feel like the person is trying to be sophisticated -for than their natural sophistication. If I ask this type if they want a drink of water, the answer would sound something like, "it behooves me to consume more fluid into my thirsty being!"
Or any other multisyllabic word where a simple one syllabic word would be more appropriate. Yes, using multisyllabic words are appropriate at times, but sometimes people seem to need to show that they can, and so they bypass the logic of asking themselves would a simple word fit better here?

At any rate, for one reason or another, people choose these various modes of speech and its their perogative. My job is to just simmer down and not get emotional when things aren't straightforward.

Face it: You're Sexy and That's That!

Sometimes I think sexiness is about how one behaves. At times I just don't know. Could it be purely a physical thing?

There are times when I feel absolutely NOT sexy and I just want to walk around in my husbands sweater, or stay in my robe the whole day long,but one look from my husband and he finds my arms curvy! My leg shape attractive, something. Something I didn't mean to flaunt at him, he sees and he says, 'you're sexy!'

I am almost convinced that sexiness is in the mind. When things are good, the husband can and will find so much good from the wife, its just like a broken dam; there's no stopping the flowing waters of compliments!

(Of course, I am talking about a normal relationship in which people aren't constantly at each others throats. In those latter cases, I fear that there is a certain threshhold and when that is crossed,I don't know...)


Dealing with it, for me, can be a serious feat! LOL. Why? Because, sometimes I don't find myself sexy. Yes, at times I look in the mirror and think, hey I look pretty good. But then I step away from the mirror and all my insecurities come crowding back into my head again. Its almost as if I have to keep convincing myself that I am sexy, desireable, wanted. Hubby does his parts with all his complements, touches, the way he looks at me (blush!!!), etc.

Sometimes if feels like I'm living a life -a normal life but with all these invisible bags of false insecurities. I haven't quite learned how to throw those bags away yet, but I have learned not to act on them.


I am not entirely sure if I got my message across. but I really wanted to encourage women -married women or girlfriends- to know that they ARE desireable. Even if they feel otherwise.

When I first met my husband, I didn't think I was curvy and he thought he was too short and that nobody can like his husky voice. One of the first things I told him (not knowing his insecurities) was that I am glad he's not too tall and that I LOVE his husky voice! LOL. And, one of the things he told me, was that I had 'beautiful curves!!!" Is that destiny or what?!

Anyway, just know that you are loved and loveable. Exactly as you are, your spouse will find you so arousing. You just have to believe it and say it over and over until its in your head and hopefully let it work into your heart.

Blessings of love for all!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Quotable Quotes

Marriage is not about winning and making each other feel bad. it is more about making each other feel good.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Here Comes Mom....

As the day is fast approaching --tomorrow! I am getting ready for Mom's eminent arrival. Its almost like Passover!

In the Passover preparation we must eliminate any bread, pasta, cookie, flour based food in the house. Basically, anything with yeast -the potential to rise- because we are symbolically removing our pride, arrogance, ego, etc from ourselves in preparation to celebrate the day Moses took the Hebrews out of Egypt. A very humbling experience indeed.

Its hard work, especially with little kids constantly leaving crumbs everywhere. Why I actually saw one of my little ones, last year, literally throw a piece of pasta behind the counter. (I made a mental note of this for clean up for this coming Passover).

Well, its the same with my mom. As I clean vigorously -or as vigorously as I can- I am also review things in my mind. Yes, my ego will be torn. To shreds. Somehow every Caribbean mother has a way of making the grown child feel small again.


So I prepare myself internally as well as externally. As I sweep every corner and mop the house (we have all tile floors here -no carpets) all the while I think she's going to find things wrong with me. Nothing will be right. I just have to accept it and continue to honor and respect her because she is my parent. Its like a mantra now, lol.

As I look up places to tour for her. I know I'll get criticized for whatever choice I make, but its okay. Its okay, its okay its okay. Honor thy Mother and thy Father is a tough commandment. But its important. Especially when I read the rest of it "....that your days may be lengthened..." I want to live long. lol.

As I choose which clothing to wear to meet her, I know she'll notice that I cut my hair -Oh boy. Everything but everything gets questioned: How I keep kosher now (Jewish orthodox way) as opposed to how I used to 'keep kosher' (the Caribbean way of salting, cleaning meat w/lemon & sometimes boiling water, etc). Actually, I do it both ways because I find it too hard to let go of my old way, but I have adapted my new ways. My head covering: It must be super gorgeous (sigh! what pressure). Even how I am with my husband.

Yep, just like Passover. I am also hoping for a miracle too! Just as the sea of Reeds split open for the people to pass, I am hoping my mom will have some kindness and go easy on me! Dear God, I thank you for allowing me to see my mom once again, even though we are so far. I thank you for the opportunity she had to enter the Holy Land and to come and pray at the Wailing Wall (Western Wall). God, isn't mercy one of your attributes? And isn't our relationship with our parents an interesting match to our eventual relationship with you? So, please let me see mercy from her eyes and heart! Bless us with a wonderful time that will only build both of our emuna (faith in action) for You. Thank You.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Gearing up for Prez. George Bush

In two more days the president of the United States of America will be visiting Israel. I can see the buzzing difference. So many helicopters buzzing this way and that way. Forwarnings of streets being closed off, buses being re-routed. Goodness gracious.

I'm hearing rumors that they'll close off Jerusalem, cancel all outgoing flights, etc. I've even heard that they might even parachute him down into his hotel. (lol)

He is such an interesting figure in Israel. Some, because of the pronunciation of his name (George can be pronounced gog; as in gog and magog) think he might be more than what we're seeing on the surface. Others worry that he's misled by 'erev rav' (a certain group of Jews who aren't really Jews -the mixed multitude back in the Moses story).

Whatever the case may be, Its just unfortunate that its coinciding with the time my mother is coming. Hopefully, things will go smoothly for our visit.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

The Forbidden Fruit

With so many blogs coming out and promoting IR dating and relationships, I watched carefully to see who would bring out the "other side". The not so good side about it all. I am sure IR relationships get enough flack from all the mammies, BM nay sayers, enablers, etc. That is not what I am talking about. I mean for those in an IR relationship, what is hard about it.

Well, I can only speak for myself. Its really good to know oneself, that's FOR SURE! Because, even though one can't spend years upon years trying to better oneself BEFORE getting into a relationship, one CAN at least know oneself enough to be a work in progress.

What I mean is, if one is coming into a relationship knowing say, 'I know I have mammy tendencies and have to double check my actions or words' that is a good thing. Or, if one comes into a relationship knowing that they had had hate towards white folks, once upon a time, then knowing and being aware of that is important so it doesn't rise up in words, deeds, etc.


One main problem that I personally encountered was the way we were raised. Ever heard the phrase 'spare the rod, spoil the child'? Well, that was my parents motto. It was definitely made SURE that I was not a spoiled child! LOLOLOL

Whereas, my husband on the other hand, never got hit. Ever. There was this one time, but that only served as an exception and not the rule.

I couldn't believe my ears when he told me this. I could not even fathom an un"rodded" child lol. I had to teach myself that not being hit, didn't mean not being punished. And just for my own satisfaction, I needed to hear how he got punished when he did .....anything wrong.

Another difference was our eating habits. Because of my caribbean background, I was just used to rice. Rice on Monday. Rice on Tuesday. Rice on Wednesday.... you get the picture. Although in the beginning, I tried to cook American style, It just didn't feel right!


One major difference, which I'm glad we can laugh about is our outlook. I guess because of his background, hubby would more likely trust someone rather than suspect them. Whereas I am the other way around. First, I distrust, then okay you'll be on the "suspended distrust" list. Only after some time, you get into the "trust" list!


Right now, I am VERY interested in all this BW movement as of late. the charge that I get from blogs such as What About Our Daughters, Date a White Guy, Evia's E-zine, Chola, and the new Black Women Vote! all get me so excited. I know hubby has a passing interest in these, but I can't expect otherwise. Whereas he comes home crazy happy about a new rabbi that he met and how knowledgeable that rabbi is, or some new thing that (I must admit, I want him to teach me too!) he just learned and can't wait to share from Talmud, Zohar or whatever he's studying at the time. However, most of the time, its hard to pretend like I'm AS excited. LOL. But I am excited for the most part. (gulp!).


Unfortunately, because of many things that I went through in my past, I suspect I do have mammy tendencies. Maybe not quite mammyness, but a tendency to negate myself. That is a big NO NO!!!!!!!. I can't stress that enough. Because being with someone who is used to looking out for himself and his own. I know I have to do my part and not let my "wall" crumble against outside enemies.

One sad example, when we moved into our new place, hubby was voted (by both of us lol) to go forth and buy furniture. He went to IKEA and got such beautiful furniture!! What taste! Wasn't he worried about looking vain? Where was his humility and shame! I actually thought those things!

Time went by and we had to get screens for our windows. The workers came and hubby was not there. They worked but couldn't get the screens just right. Finally they said they were done. Although I could see that the screens were not just the way we wanted, I was too negating of myself to protest. I conceded. I have been kicking myself ever since. At least, this served as a catapult to insure that I never want this to happen again. I must not let my faulty self esteem crumble my side. I know many BW get this faulty self esteem because the media, neighbors, practically everyone beat us down. But If I could encourage anyone, I'd say realize this, and try to not let it dictate your actions. Even if you have to go into another room and think while others are left waiting for your decision.

Well, as you can see, none of these are color related. I don't know if its because I am not in the USA, but once a relationship is established and folks hunker down into family making and home making, color hardly plays a big role.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Were Biblical people black?

I don't know where people got the story of Miriam accusing Moses of doing wrong by marrying a black girl (Tzipporah). Unless our books are different, according to the story in my book, Miriam was upset that Moses -in an attempt to stay focused and in tuned to God's incoming messages- abstained from being with his wife. Miriam, feeling bad for Tzipporah and thinking, Moses was doing her wrong, was protesting Moses for not being with his black wife MORE!

Anyway, it was none of her business, and as a result she got leprosy (a skin disease which turns the skin partially white. Its said to come as a result of lashon hara -evil speech.)

Somehow the story got twisted into Miriam protest Moses for being with black Tzipporah.

Although there are some color things I do wonder about. such as:

Why was the wicked Laban -the one who tricked Jacob into marrying Leah- why was he called Laban? which means white? Was he the one white dude??

There were others who were called "cush" which means black. The only one I remember at the moment is from Psalm, a certain benjaminite.

At any rate, my position is that I think they were mostly a brownish color with some darker and others ligher, but the bulk being brownish. I also think some people with an agenda (whites wanting to justify slavery, or black wanting to discredit whites) try to make these people a definite color. I don't even think color was an issue way back then.

Anyway, just stuff on my mind.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Can Anyone Help?

This was one of my favorite videos when I was a kid. I just couldn't get enough of it. I was hoping could someone tell me what he's singing about? Thanks!

I know it's rather corny or even silly. What can I say, I have strange taste lol

(Please don't refer me to the ridiculous "english translation" one, that's a total farce. Albeit hilarious)