Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Another Word on Mammies

The following is a comment posted on Halima's blog. Halima posed the question: How to NOT be a mammy.

Some mammy traits might be ingrained personality traits. Something folks can't change.

I was wondering if maybe re-channeling is a way out.

for example: This loyalty to the BM no matter how damaged the BM is.

Perhaps some can't help but to be loyal. And i'd wager that the mammy type will for sure look for the "underdog" (read: DBRbm) to be loyal to.

Mammies: I'd say embrace your loyalty trait. Its a beautiful one. But re-channel it to the real long term future for your daughters. Loyalty to your daughters future.

Having been a mammy extraodinaire, I think it is too difficult for a mammy to think of their own welfare- for a prolonged period of time. I don't think any other personality trait can understand this (Just like I can't understand how some people can be so cerebral and not cry at sad movies, or other personalities can be so sensitive and take everything so personal, Or even yet another can be so success oriented that they can deal with vile people just for the sake of a goal, etc). So I say, do it for your future /and present daughters. Lead by example.

Mammies also tend to give. A lot. That too is a great trait. I'd almost call it a NEED. However, as its taught over here:

One who gives overly much becomes a prostitute!

An 'easy woman' is someone on the extreme side of the "giving" line.

That, too, can- nay MUST, be channeled better. Again if the long term future of our daughters is the focus, I think that will help to channel the need to give in a more productive manner.

GIVING TO THE DBRs IS INSTANT GRATIFICATION OF THE NEED TO GIVE.

And lastly, another good mammy trait is her spirituality. I think this explains why she doesn't mind -and even enjoys- wearing those African garbs (some of them anyway) or other garbs that takes away from the sleazy sexual look, etc.

For that, I say: KNOW that God made you woman. A beautiful black woman. No matter what you see when you look in the mirror (ugly? not perfect? too dark? too big of a nose? whatever!) In reality, you are beautiful! And tailor made for that loving, giving guy!

Don't snuff out your beauty. Put it out for your potential husband and father of your children. I don't mean dress scantily -I can't advise someone to do something that I don't do.

But realize, even your man has an evil inclination (i.e. ego, jealousy, etc.,). You have the ability as a wife/girl friend not just to appeal to his good inclination. You want to capture that "evil" as well. Yes. You have the power to capture both!

You want the whole man, don'tcha?

(I just want to use a more appropriate word. when I say "you want to capture that "evil" as well -I mean to say that "impulsive side of the man")

7 comments:

Halima said...

i agree that rechanneling energy and traits can be a good thing, and if you are hardwired to be a specific way eg 'self-sacrifing' woman then yes you might find it useful to direct your energies elsewhere however i guess its always going to be about the balance, about not loosing yourself in this 'newer' enterprise!

Anonymous said...

"And lastly, another good mammy trait is her spirituality. I think this explains why she doesn't mind -and even enjoys- wearing those African garbs (some of them anyway) or other garbs that takes away from the sleazy sexual look, etc."

You know... some of us African women happen to like our 'African garbs' and we most certainly ain't 'mammies'.
Must you really stereotype and ridicule other people's cultural norms just to buttress your point or in order to elevate yourself?

The taking away from the 'sleazy sexual look' thing is just really laughable.
Who wants to look sleazy?
Sexy yes.. erm sleazy I'll leave that to britney spears.

I like sexy, I like sex, I like responsible men. I am African, I like African clothes, African couture (yeah it does exist) and sharply made low neck (to emphasise my God given natural boobs effextively when I want to.

Miriam said...

Great, Anonymous. This message did not speak to you. It was a repost of a comment from a different blog. So the context/background is lacking.

Did you notice what's inside the parenthesis? Anyway, it was more directed towards African American women. And not just ANY African American woman, but those who have a hard time fighting off acting as "mammies".

Personally, I see nothing wrong with those clothing. However, some people were saying that they see it as too covering up, and not showing enough sexuality.

sharply made low neck (to emphasise my God given natural boobs effextively

I am talking more about those garments that cover up the whole body. Did you notice the parenthesis? Personally, what I wear is usually a total cover up. But that is just the culture that I am in. And even in that, there are ways...

For those in question: Some may purposefully choose clothing to not look sexy.

Try to see that this message was definitely not meant for you.

~~
I'd be curious to know who you are...Anyway, take care.

Miriam said...

Anon,

I can see how saying "those African garbs..." can be misconstrued as me pointing at something foreign, distant, or with displeasure.

Far from it! However, this re-posting of a comment causes the background and context to be absent. In the original blog, it was previously discussed how some non-African --Afr.Amer women would wear African dresses -the ones that could cover up the most. And it was discussed how they are not using their sexuality to hold their man. No offense was intended at Africa, Africans, or their culture.

As a matter of fact, if you read my other posts, I have nothing against the African continent and only wish good for its countries and people.

CW said...

Thanx for another wonderful blog...Have a Merry Christmas & Happy 2008 of change! : )


http://blackwomendeservebetter.blogspot.com/

Grata said...

"As a matter of fact, if you read my other posts, I have nothing against the African continent and only wish good for its countries and people".

Miriam,

These Black Wars are spreading like wild fire. DAMN! Here too?

I just mentioned on my blog that I feel like I am in a very bad dream.

Miriam said...

Grata, hmmmm, maybe its time to fight them once and for all?