The following is a comment posted on Halima's blog. Halima posed the question: How to NOT be a mammy.
Some mammy traits might be ingrained personality traits. Something folks can't change.
I was wondering if maybe re-channeling is a way out.
for example: This loyalty to the BM no matter how damaged the BM is.
Perhaps some can't help but to be loyal. And i'd wager that the mammy type will for sure look for the "underdog" (read: DBRbm) to be loyal to.
Mammies: I'd say embrace your loyalty trait. Its a beautiful one. But re-channel it to the real long term future for your daughters. Loyalty to your daughters future.
Having been a mammy extraodinaire, I think it is too difficult for a mammy to think of their own welfare- for a prolonged period of time. I don't think any other personality trait can understand this (Just like I can't understand how some people can be so cerebral and not cry at sad movies, or other personalities can be so sensitive and take everything so personal, Or even yet another can be so success oriented that they can deal with vile people just for the sake of a goal, etc). So I say, do it for your future /and present daughters. Lead by example.
Mammies also tend to give. A lot. That too is a great trait. I'd almost call it a NEED. However, as its taught over here:
One who gives overly much becomes a prostitute!
An 'easy woman' is someone on the extreme side of the "giving" line.
That, too, can- nay MUST, be channeled better. Again if the long term future of our daughters is the focus, I think that will help to channel the need to give in a more productive manner.
GIVING TO THE DBRs IS INSTANT GRATIFICATION OF THE NEED TO GIVE.
And lastly, another good mammy trait is her spirituality. I think this explains why she doesn't mind -and even enjoys- wearing those African garbs (some of them anyway) or other garbs that takes away from the sleazy sexual look, etc.
For that, I say: KNOW that God made you woman. A beautiful black woman. No matter what you see when you look in the mirror (ugly? not perfect? too dark? too big of a nose? whatever!) In reality, you are beautiful! And tailor made for that loving, giving guy!
Don't snuff out your beauty. Put it out for your potential husband and father of your children. I don't mean dress scantily -I can't advise someone to do something that I don't do.
But realize, even your man has an evil inclination (i.e. ego, jealousy, etc.,). You have the ability as a wife/girl friend not just to appeal to his good inclination. You want to capture that "evil" as well. Yes. You have the power to capture both!
You want the whole man, don'tcha?
(I just want to use a more appropriate word. when I say "you want to capture that "evil" as well -I mean to say that "impulsive side of the man")