Monday, October 22, 2007

Are Mammies type TWO personalities?

Well what are mammys and what is personality type TWO?

From Halima's blog, Evia described a mammy as "tons of asexual, often overweight, all-giving, depressed bw who get high off of "being there" for other people but are self-destructing and becoming extinct."

What a type TWO personality? Someone who loves to give and give and give. They can be very unselfish, to a fault. To them giving is what they thrive for. Seeing how other personality types give so little is bewildering to a TWO.

The not so great side about TWOs are: If they allow the ego to have too much play, they tend to become domineering and needy. They tend to get angry that no one is taking care of their needs, but they usually keep their needs secret for fear that folks will run away rather than take care of them.

As things go down scale, they can become conniving and love giving people the 'guilt' treatment. By them, you'd hear the phrase, "After all i've done for you!!!!" Also, they usually tend to over eat, people please, or get hysterical. (not all at once, lol)

It sure seems to me like the mammy description, is a type TWO personality description.

If you fit this description, there is hope!!!

First of all, you have some great qualities! You can be self sacrificing when needs be, you are humble (a rare trait), you are very protective of your loved ones, and you are a very giving person.

As long as you can keep a few rules in mind, you should do A-okay!
rules:
* Be EMOTIONALLY honest to yourself
* RESPECT yourself, even if your self esteem is down. treat yourself as 'another person"
* Allow others to be INDEPENDENT. Don't feel they must need you in order to feel important
* Get over the fact that you may have to SEPARATE from someone who is mistreating you. There IS better out there, and yes, you do deserve better!

10 comments:

Attorneymom said...

Miriam said “…. treat yourself as 'another person"
___________________________________

This is a confirmation. I promised myself that I was going to learn to how to treat myself as good as I treat everyone else in my life. In order to do that, I must treat myself as another person.

I am on this journey to loving and taking care of myself better than I have in the past. I had to be honest with myself. I cannot expect others to do for me what I am not willing to do for myself. That is to love, cherish and respect me.

I promised myself that I was going to start being a friend to me. I declare this day that I am my own best friends.

Tracy said...

great blog Miriam!!

I have known several "Mammies" that thought that I was just plain lazy and selfish for not giving up all of my precious time and energy to life sucking folks that refused to help themselves.

It seemed that it was a "sin" to enjoy life and all that it had to offer .

Unfortunately, most of the Mammies I have seen lead a hard, short life. A life that I run far away from.

I have a saying that I actually needlepointed on a pillow:

BLACK WOMEN WERE NOT PUT HERE TO MAKE YOUR LIVES EASIER!!

I find myself referring to that phrase more and more....

tasha said...

I'm gonna put myself on blast here.

Miriam, I'm guilty as charged! At one point in time, this was all I did--give, give, and give--because I felt that I didn't deserve better. I thought previously that when you are overweight/obese, no one gave you their time--you gave them your time, and everything that came with it. I started to self-destruct in the process, and literally thought that without the people I called my friends around me, I would have no one to care for, therefore I would be nothing without them. And as for guilt trips? I was the "queen" of them!

Fast forward to today, and to this day I only have 2 people that I can call a true friend--my sister, and myself. You really do have to treat yourself as another person. Once I did, I was surprised at how fast I became friends (and a real one this time around) with other people, and how guys treat me now.

I was a doormat, ready for any kind of affection that came my way, more so for my "brothas" than for anyone else (I was fighting the other guys off, regardless of color; I regret that). I vowed not to get into living like that anymore, and learn to live for myself.

What I can say about all this? Learning to live for myself is liberating, but at the same time, it can be lonely...but a lot of good can come out of it, especially if I know what I'm looking for now.

wndycty_lady said...

Fantastic reading, Miriam.

I, too, am a type two personality. As an older BW (54), it took me a long time to put myself first. The benefits are far greater than I would have ever realized. I'm more confortable with myself today than I've ever been, and do not feel guilty when I say "no". It's actually liberating . . .

yingerman said...

I think in general you has to take responsibilty for all actions and even though other may help, YOU are still the bottom line.

g-e-m2001 said...

Hey Miriam!

Sorry i have been so derelict. I wanted to come over and check out your blog.

You are working it out over here! I am definitely a recovering type II. One great thing about my blog is that it is so overwhelming that it is teaching me to say NO!
And i have lost 35 pounds.

Keep it up!

diva said...

Hi Miriam. Groovy blog. I will visit the other one too:)

Do you think the mammy mentality is somewhat taught to many young black women? It seemed to be where I grew up and I think that is why so many women work themselves to exhaustion and don't take care of their own health. I find myself doing it too-taking on problems of others because that is what a good daughter/niece etc. is supposed to do. I had to learn to say no and keep reminding myself.

Diva

Miriam said...

Attorney Mom - thanks so much for stopping by! We are all such special creations! I hope we do treat ourselves like we deserve -wonderfully!

Tracy - I wouldn't be surprised if some of those bw were not even AWARE that there is another way of being.

To find your type, or for more on enneagrams, you can check out:

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/descript.asp

or
http://www.9types.com/homepage.actual.html

Tasha - I hear you! Yay! for your victory!!!! It deserves celebrating -right along side your birthday!

I check every once in a while to make sure I don't become a doormat in my current relationship.

Wndy Cty Lady -Hey, i'm also from the windy city. I'm cheering you on for your victory. Self actualization is so liberating. I can't talk about it enough.

Yingerman -that is so true. And know about oneself, makes it all the more easy to to that.

Gina -?! Wait, let me mark my diary. Dear diary, Gina visited my blog! lol. You are an example of what a type TWO can do with their willingness to help others -but in a healthy way!

Diva - my personal opinion, Yes, I think its taught. I think societies seem to show preference towards certain types. Like America really pushes the type THREEs and SEVENs. (three are all about success. They have an ability to suppress their emotions and do what's gotta be done. SEVENs are always on the go, go, go!! They always have to be doing something 'this weekend'. they never seem anxious about anything and think every thing has a quick fix. lol)

I think Old countries, such as West Indian countries like to promote ONE behavior. i.e. to be efficient, run a home properly, not be too affectionate, function and do what's right! type of thing.

So also in the bc, I suspect bm are urged toward EIGHT behavior -agressive, very masculine, will fight, will confront, etc. where as bw are urged towards type TWO.

Again, every type has a good side, but as the ego gets more and more involved, it goes down scale in social behavior.

Ruth LaMorena said...

@ Tasha

Congratulations on realizing that you were a doormat for others AND then doing something about it. I read a comment some time ago on another blog that talked about how lonely it is look out for yourself and not have a gang of "friends" anymore. But I think of it this way - how many times were you with "the gang" and felt so lonely, stressed, used, and overlooked you wanted to (cry, scream, escape, whatever). Sometimes it seems lonely but can be seen as much more healthy.

http://meditationsonreeducation.blogspot.com

annebeth said...

I am brand new to your blog and I must agree that the "mammy" type is alive and well. I think in many parts of the country if it wasn't for the "mammies" the black church would have ceased to exist. You know when you look around a black church, there are 100 people in the congregation over the age of 18: 95 black women and 5 black men ( the minister & 4 deacons). Imagine what would happen if all the “mammies” got a life, took care of themselves and told others to step off and be responsible. Our culture encourages black women to adopt this attitude because it makes it easier for the black men to be non-productive.